Sometimes in life, we meet people and one thing leads to another. Before you know it you're hooked. You're so caught up in the idea of them, you can only think about them. What could be wrong with that? Why would that be a problem? Let me tell you why.
Sometimes when we catch feelings for people, the feeling is mutual, and everything is just great. Other times, not so much. Although we may hope that when we catch feelings, those feelings are mutual, and although we may hope that the person we are with is with us for the right reasons, that is not always the case.
The truth is sometimes you will be in deeper than the other person. Sometimes the one person you want to bring you up is the person who knows how to bring you down. Sometimes you will work so hard and put in so much effort while the other person puts in little to no effort, whatsoever. Sometimes you will realize that the person you want only wants what you can give them --whatever that may be. Sometimes there could be so many red flags, and sometimes you just know deep down in your gut that the person you are with isn't who they say they are. And sometimes no matter how many of these things may be true, you will always run back to them, when they show interest in you. It happens.
So if any of that applied to you, here is my message to you:
Although you may want it to work so badly and you may love the person so much, ultimately you cannot change someone. No matter how much you want to, no matter how much you want to fix someone --you simply can't. The only time a person will change is if they are doing it for themselves. Although you may want to be the one to save this person or be the one who makes them better, that is a very, very unattainable dream and it will be a dream that more than likely gets your heart broken.
If someone isn't sure about you, if they don't know if you're the one --you cannot change that. You may think you can, but don't fool yourself, if they want to be with you, they won't question it. If they love you, you will know it for a fact and you won't have to jump through hoops to get them to stay. If they want to leave, let them, don't even bother trying to change their mind --their loss.
If someone feels the need to make you feel less about yourself or make you feel like you need to earn their affection, that is a red flag. A red flag that can often be overlooked, especially when you care about the person. You obviously don't want to let yourself think that you are being put down by the person you love, so a lot of times you will be inclined to make excuses for them. They might tell you they love you, and they might mean it, but if they don't love you enough to only express positivity towards you --that will never change.
You may think that you are the one, you are going to be to make them happy, the one who helps make them better. You may think you will be enough to make them change but it is not a matter of you being enough.
It is a matter of them seeing the error of their ways and making adjustments so they do not continue to hurt you if they do in fact love you.
It is not a matter of continuously trying to be enough, continuously holding yourself to this enormous standard you have set in your mind, continuously putting yourself last and always without a doubt putting them first --no matter how they treat you.
It is a matter of them seeing you for who you are and accepting that without demanding more from you. It's a matter of loving yourself enough to stand firm when threaten to leave, even if it means losing them. They will not change for you, you may romanticize the situation and build it up so much in your mind, but that won't change the facts. People are not meant to be changed by other people, it goes both ways.
Don't let another person make you feel the need to change and don't stick around hoping that you will be enough to change a person.