Love is sometimes completely and utterly beautiful, everything that they told us about when we were younger. It can be the beginnings of butterflies that flutter and that complete feeling of security and home only your lover can give. But sometimes, maybe a lot of times if you're unlucky, love can really just suck. You have all of this affection and care to give to someone, but for whatever reason it just doesn't work.
One thing I have learned, is don't fall in love with someone that doesn't care about you. Now this seems like common sense, but it can sometimes be the complete opposite. They can love you and maybe still not care about you. A person can love you, but somehow your well being isn't on their mind. They will be comepletely self centered. It can be a good friend, someone you spend everyday with, or someone that holds all of your trust and vice versa.
But slowly you will pick up on it. They can be completely welcoming of your feelings, they may even be your significant other of the time. But the signs will slowly start to creep into your life.
Welcome to my guide for avoiding emotional relationship abuse.
They will ignore you.
Someone who cares for you will never ignore you. They might not be the split second texters or the call you back right away, but if your s.o. really does care they will answer you. They will make an obvious effort to keep you in their plans and to keep communication up with you. Being reached out to and responding positively as opposed to blowing you off is another clue.
Someone who loves you wants you in their life. Someone who doesn't care won't make the effort.
They will fail you.
We all have our problems, it's 2016. I don't think I'm alone in the line of thinking that two people in a relationship should help each other with their their struggles. Be it emotional, financial, familial, or even within the relationship. A loving partner will be there for you if you are sobbing in need. They will stand by you as you search for that new job and live off of ramen for a few months. They will be understanding of your struggles with your family, even if it is a call every week because that's just how bad it is. They would never turn their backs on you.
But someone who doesn't care about you will push you off onto others. They will avoid your desperate calls, tell you it's too much, they will turn away in your darkest hour and leave you isolated.
They will manipulate you.
All of these habits, albeit somewhat small, eventually add up to staring at unanswered conversations, crying. They end up in begging for an answer as to what you've done wrong to deserve the silence and lack of support. They end up in apologizing for just trying to say hi to the person you love. Apologizing to all of your loved ones for simply being in the room. Apologizing for, well, existing sometimes.
Loving someone who doesn't care about you ends up affecting the rest of the relationships in your life. You start to recluse from your friends, draw away when plans are being made because you don't want to be an inconvenience, you apologize for speaking your mind, and you are left thinking you will never be enough.
You will think it was your fault.
And then you will repeat the cycle. The person who doesn't care will leave you and you will find someone else to be with. You will repeat this cycle and find yourself ignoring the signs, telling yourself "they're different" that, "they're just really busy". But in the end, you are too scared to admit to yourself it happened again.
Because how could someone love you, but not actually care about you?
It's a question I've asked myself several times. It's a cycle I still haven't broken out of myself. Reach out to your friends, they will tell you what's really happening, while you're stuck lying to yourself. In the end, trust your gut. If you're in love, but if more often than not you're unhappy, it's time to move on.