Being anxious is an emotion that every person experiences from time to time. Anxiety comes when we are nervous for a first date, or we are about to make a presentation, or we forget a paper back in the dorms. People get anxious in stressful situations - it's normal. But when we meet someone who deals with anxiety on a daily basis, people tend to look at it in a different light. Some people become judgmental; they’ll say, “You’re being dramatic, just brush it off." But having and dealing with anxiety consistently is not what you see in the movies, and it's certainly not about being dramatic. What people don’t understand (and don’t want to talk about) is that having anxiety is NOT a choice and it is not as simple as they think.

Anything can trigger anxiety.

You might get anxious over things like presentations and dates. However, people with anxiety get anxious over picking something to eat for dinner, making plans with friends, or even not having enough elbow room at the dinner table. Anything, little or small can trigger someone’s anxiety. One thing leads to another and then it just feels like too much happening at once. Many would think those little things aren’t a big deal and brush them off, but to some the little things consume every thought for the rest of the day.

Someone with anxiety often feels emotions more strongly.

A rush of happiness can come over a person, which is a great thing - the person could spend hours smiling and laughing and enjoying themselves. However, with positive feelings also come negative feelings. If sadness comes over a person with anxiety, often it tends to be a little stronger. This sadness could affect them for hours, or it could affect them for days. It could affect their thinking, eating, sleeping, etc. Have you ever heard the saying when people “feel emotions full-hearted”? Ask anyone with anxiety and I’m sure they'll tell you how strongly and deeply they feel every single emotion.

It isn’t a thing that can just be turned off.

Do you think that in a room full of friends, drinks and good music, that someone would want to feel disconnected, uncomfortable, or miserable? Of course not. But often, people with anxiety cannot help it. There is no on-and-off switch to these thoughts and feelings. There is only riding them out until it passes. Are they going to tell you how badly they are feeling? No, because they don't want to ruin anyone else’s time and especially don’t want to burden anyone else. But remember that some people just can’t help it.

When the negative comes, so does disappointment.

Think of that person sitting with their friends who can only feel their anxiety. They know and can see that every other person around them is having a good time - every face they see is another reason to feel disappointed in themselves. Disappointed that they cannot physically or emotionally feel what the other people around them are feeling. Disappointed that they “aren’t strong enough to deal with it” like society tells them they should be. Disappointed because they know their friends, family and loved ones are rolling their eyes at them once again.

From a person who wakes up every day battling her anxiety, please listen to me when I say that unless you are in someone’s head, you do not know the battles they are facing. You don’t know what is happening in every aspect of their life. Therefore please remember, people who deal with anxiety won’t tell you every detail of what they are feeling and what is going through their heads, because frankly, you can’t understand. But they appreciate you trying.

It is both sad and unfortunate that when someone has a physical injury like a broken leg, everyone will encourage and support the necessary recovery needed. However, when it comes to a mental injury or illness, people are far less understanding and much more judgmental, which only leads to more people feeling ashamed to speak up and get the recovery and help they really need.