I am one of those people that love the idea of being in love and more than that, actually being in love. There were so many times I thought I was in love or this guy I like would be my future partner.
And of course, I would be heartbroken quite a few times. The heartbreak was temporary, but what I got out of the relationship, both good and bad, will last the rest of my life.
I am thankful for the relationships I did and did not pursue. They failed for a reason.
First there was the playboy. I met the playboy as a freshman in high school. He was a real gentleman and very skinny, then he joined the high school wrestling team. From that point on, all he was interested in was hooking up and racking up a high number of women he's done it with. My best friend knew what was up and let me know he was no good for me.
Next, there was the charmer. The charmer approached me and wanted to be friends. He would want to hang out in groups, but would spend time alone with me--a lot. His specialty was throwing out the mixed signals, only to tell me he wouldn't date me because I'm not his type. I considered the possibility that I may have feelings for the charmer, but the way he acted about finding out I might like him made me glad he made an exit from my life.
Then there was the intellectual. The intellectual was mysterious but said some extremely profound things. He was always good at making girls feel special. I know, because that's how I felt. It ended up being an illusion. He was not as smart as he made himself out to be, and he had bad intentions for what he would do if he had fooled me.
The one I almost regret ever having been with is Mr. Toxic. He was my first real relationship. I learned a lot about myself when I was 18. I definitely did not know as much as I thought I did, because I chose to be in a relationship with a guy who wanted to put me in my place. He hated when other guys flirted with me regardless of whether I flirted back; he could hang out with females but expected that I would not have male friends; he would compare me to other women. I cried every day for three months and finally broke up with him. Because I will never let someone tell me I'm only a 10 with makeup on more than once--when he should have never said it at all.
The man I am most thankful to have been in a relationship with and learned the most from about love and life is Mr. Infatuation. He was my first love. I felt safe and loved with him, but we were too different to have succeeded in a long-term committed relationship. He would have strong opposing opinions and no filter, while I was sensitive and extremely emotional. We had different communication styles and could not agree on anything at all. I don't even remember having anything in common, but he did have a good heart. I learned patience and above all, the kinds of things my ideal partner won't be. I am thankful to still have Mr. Infatuation in my life as a friend, but never again will we be romantically involved.
Relationships are hard, and that could be the reason why I'm still single after my break up with Mr. Infatuation. The past two years have been amazing figuring out myself. I've made lifelong friends and figured out a general idea of what I want to do in the future with my passion.
No matter how it ended, I am grateful to have had each of these guys because they helped me see things a lot clearer and learn just how resilient I am. I can overcome tough situations. I am stronger than I think I am and so much more than I have yet to find out about myself.
