When you're stressed out and someone tells you that “you’re just being paranoid” or to “just relax”, it might come off as a harmless phrase; however, simplifying paranoia takes away the crippling anxiety that builds every day from it. Trying to maintain a healthy, successful life can be difficult when your mind is going places that it shouldn’t have to. I know firsthand how hard it can be when you’re anxious about everything. Suddenly an easygoing life is tormented by thoughts and worries that build up and consume. In fact, even writing this entry makes my heart beat fast and my breath get short.
A normal college student worries about things such as passing classes or having enough money to afford on campus living, but do they worry about things like having a teacher despise them for showing up two minutes late or not having classes with friends because they are afraid of being alone. There are masses of students who stay up to the late hours writing papers because they’re worried about failing a class. However, the first thought that comes to my mind when I know I’m going to hand in an assignment is not that it is going to negatively affect my GPA, but that my professor will suddenly start referring to me as “one of those students”. Trying to focus in school can be difficult when you feel like everywhere you go all eyes are on you, waiting for you to slip. I find myself slipping out of class for five minutes every day to go to the “bathroom”, when in actuality I just need to breathe. However, slipping out of the class everyday worries me too because then I start thinking that the professor will notice and think I’m deliberately trying to disengage myself and will want to have a chat with me about classroom procedures. Then I'm viewed as a "problem kid" because of my anxiety.
Anxiety doesn’t just hit in academic situations, it can be debilitating in a social life as well. I have struggled immensely with friendships because I have spent way too much time overanalyzing and worrying about stuff that is not important. If a friend doesn’t immediately answer back, they must have an issue with me. If I text back too soon, then I’m being clingy. But if I don’t text back fast enough I start to look like a bad friend. I have actually ended friendships because I was afraid of putting too much in and never being comfortable or trusting in what was given back. Having friends is a really important part of life, so it gets frustrating when you have to question every aspect of your relationships to the point where you think it must be you that has the problem. I’ve gone from having a best friend one day, to hardly speaking to someone because I was worried that I was not wanted anymore.
Anxiety disorders are more common than most people think, affecting approximately 40 million adults in the United States alone, so if there’s one comfort you can have it is that you are not alone. I’m trying to cope with this, as I’m sure many are doing as well daily. As cliche as it sounds, sometimes it does help to take a moment and breathe.
