Growing up, my parents signed me up for every single sport that our town had to offer. I wish I was exaggerating, but I have tried: soccer, basketball, golf, gymnastics, swimming, tennis, softball, and sailing. I failed at every single one. Between my complete lack of coordination and uncompetitive nature, nothing seemed to click. At the beginning, I remained unbothered by this because I had a decent metabolism and could still enjoy eating what I wanted without a second thought.

I started college feeling confident in my body. I had that middle of the road feeling that of not being totally in love with it but not totally hating it. I continued eating whatever I wanted, convinced that I would not gain weight and my non-athleticism would continue undisrupted. As my social anxiety and course load began to grow, so did I. However, I only began to notice the summer after my first year. This was because I worked at an ice cream store over the summer and fell into the trap of eating food there every single day. While packing up for my second year of college, I was trying on my clothes to see what still fit. It turned out that barely anything still fit. Realizing that all of my clothes fit tightly on me was difficult. I felt disappointed in myself for neglecting my health, I felt depressed because of the image I saw in the mirror suddenly became tarnished, and I felt stupid for not knowing that this would happen sooner.

Going into my sophomore year, I did not have a clearly defined set of goals. In the back of my mind, I knew I needed to do better but had no idea how. I would go to the gym every once in a while and try to squeeze a salad in when I felt like it, but nothing really changed. I think the desire to focus on my health was there, but I didn’t have the time or energy to do so. I was taking 20 credit hours, forcing myself to love a job that I hated, and overscheduling myself with extracurriculars. At the time, I convinced myself that I was just being a normal college student. That this is what “being on top of things” looked like. Ironically enough, I preached about self-care to everyone I knew.

As I’m sure you can imagine, each day got more and more challenging. After finally settling down after a long day, all I had was myself and the mirror. I spent spare minutes looking at myself, thinking about all of the things I wanted to change while having minimal time to do so. I knew that my motivations were not coming from the right place. I desperately tried to convince myself that looking better would make me feel better. I was never concerned with my health, only with my image. Additionally, I was comparing myself to those around me and thinking that I would never look like them no matter what I tried. There were quite a few conflicting and unhealthy thought processes unfolding in front of me.

After my challenging year, I went home for the summer. I decided to live in an apartment with my boyfriend, which I had done the summer before. After telling him about my struggles, we decided to take charge of our health. It started with learning how to cook healthier meals, which was a much-needed lesson. Prior to last summer, I had no idea how to cook and stubbornly refused to learn. Being that we both worked during the day and never made it home in time before the gym closed, we started taking nightly walks. While this was the start that I needed, I soon began to feel stagnant and unproductive. I was ready for a bigger commitment.

It was only a few weeks ago that I decided to buy a fitness program. At first, I was extremely apprehensive. I thought that buying a fitness program meant that I was failing at doing it on my own and needed to be told what to do by random strangers. I truly could not have been more incorrect. I decided on the 21 Day Fix through Beachbody. I had never heard about Beachbody or their products, so this was a shot in the dark. Oddly enough, I found my coach through an Instagram discover post. What drew me to her was that she looked like a normal person who was eating normal things while managing to fit exercise into her daily schedule. I decided to contact her and share why I wanted to become a healthier version of myself, which is how we decided on my program together. The 21 Day Fix, in my opinion, is more than a traditional at-home exercise program. Not only does it provide you with versatile workouts (this was huge for me as someone who basically had no idea how to exercise), it helps you create a meal plan with a focus on portion control and eating what you love. It’s not a diet by any means, which is why I’ve stuck with it so well. I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want. It just has to be within a healthy limit, which is something I had no idea how to monitor. Now, finishing the last few days of my program, I’m ready to turn what I’ve learned into a lifestyle.

Now that you’ve read about my health journey over the past few years, I hope you leave this long-winded article with a few points. One, you can’t become a healthier version of yourself if your motivations are not coming from the right place. To complete a goal fully and with intention, it has to resonate with you. Deciding to change your health regimen shouldn’t be at the drop of a hat when you’re having a bad day. It should be a process that it conducive to who you are. Two, you don’t need a fitness plan to get results. I decided to try it because I lacked foundation and had a lot of learning to do. Three, “skinny” is a relative term that means nothing. It’s your body so hold it to your own standards.