An Open Letter To The "Friends" I Tried Too Hard For

An Open Letter To The "Friends" I Tried Too Hard For

Maybe I'm crazy. Who knows. But this is how I feel.

My biggest problem has always been putting too much faith in people too quickly, seeing everyone as a potential friend. When I do start to notice myself having not-so-great thoughts about someone, my mind goes into hyperdrive, fiercely trying to shut them down, or find a way to justify them. Or, worst of all, I look for reasons to blame myself.

No, no--it must be you. There's something wrong with you, not them. Why are you being like this?

So I tend not to realize when someone is actually hurting me.

And now, once again, I'm finding myself emotionally drained, full of frustration and resentment because my efforts to be what I thought you wanted--what I thought you needed--the best, most-caring friend I knew how to be, seem to have gone unnoticed.

I could find plenty of reasons to think highly of you people when we first met. I haven't forgotten those thoughts. They've just changed, and I don't see the point anymore in pretending they haven't. Because in my eyes you have changed. In a way, I feel betrayed. What happened to the people I first got to know? How do you not realize that you've destroyed the image I built of you in my head? Of course I understand people change. But too often, in my experience, "changing" is equivalent to not making as much of an effort.

And sure, maybe my efforts haven't been totally obvious. This is where I feel like I'm being a little unfair. But I've suffered. I've gone back and forth and back and forth with myself trying to figure out if it was okay for me to ask certain questions, to say certain things, and then watched you offer up that information to other people like it was nothing. I wanted to know because I cared--too much, clearly. But you made me feel like I shouldn't care. Time and time again I bit my tongue when I felt like I had important things to say--and why, to keep the peace? You certainly never apologized to me for disturbing my peace. I let things go that I was really not okay with. I stepped way out of my comfort zone and tried very hard to do something that is objectively difficult to do. I sat back and watched things that went against everything I stood for happen. I was careful not to act too entitled, to keep myself in check because I wanted to be liked, and didn't want to give you anything to use against me. And I wanted you to see that. But you couldn't. Maybe I can't fault any of you for that and this frustration I'm feeling is invalid. But it just feels a lot better than being sad. I'm just sos tired of that.

So no longer will I tag along with other friends like a stray puppy just to get to spend time with you, while wondering why you can't be bothered to invite me personally. Or wonder why you seem to treat me so unfairly. No longer will I make a conscious effort to change my opinion of any of you; it just isn't worth it. No longer will I put up with these constant feelings of inadequacy, of needing to try harder. No longer will I put up with words or actions that are damaging to me--whether or not they're directed at me. And most of all, no longer will I put up with the general unfairness of the whole situation. I don't see any reason left to try. I'm just...done.

You may like me. You may think of me as a good person. You may even think of me as a friend and be completely taken aback by this. But if there's no proof, if you're not showing me that you feel that way, then all of that becomes meaningless. You have to show that you care. And you've proven to me in many ways that you're incapable of doing that. I'm sick of being the one who always cares more about other people than they do about me.

So don't expect to see or hear from me much anymore. Consider me gone. It's time for me to move on, and live the life I want and deserve, with the people who make me feel good about myself. Enjoy yours.

Cover Image Credit: Fable Feed

Popular Right Now

An Open Letter To My Best Friend On Their Birthday

because your existence is something worth celebrating

An open letter to one of my best friends on their birthday...


First of all, I probably love your birthday more than you because it's a day solely dedicated to your existence, and no one appreciates that more than me, and this is why.

You are always my number one. When I need someone to listen to my day, you're there, offering a hug on a bad day, a shoulder to cry on when I'm upset, or just a few words to reassure me. Most importantly, you make me laugh. Even if I'm in a bad mood, you make me laugh. When I should be embarrassed, instead I just laugh. And when I do something ridiculous myself, you make me laugh with you about it as well. Nothing can go wrong with my partner in crime there to watch my back, and of course you know I've got yours too.

You never know where this next year will take you, but why should that stop you. I hope this is a year where you smile a lot, learn a lot, and love a lot. I hope you discover something new and exciting, hold on to what you've always loved before, and find something unexpected that will amaze you like nothing else, because honestly those are the best surprises. Just remember to take me with you if you are jumping on that bus, train, or plane to explore, because you're not getting away from me that easily.

Not going to lie, some things will change. Nothing can stay exactly the same forever. But there will always be one fan cheering you on, a person to laugh with who loves you unconditionally, and a sarcastic friend who will keep you in your place while still supporting you to no end. And why is this? Look back at all those years (wow, you're getting old), and look at the kind of person you've become. You're pretty darn awesome if I do say so myself- you make the job of 'proud friend' easy for me. But then again, why do you think we're friends in the first place? I knew you were amazing before, now you're just old(er) and amazing. We'll take every curve ball the world throws at us and throw it back even harder, once I actually learn how to throw.

Here's to another year of adventures. Here's to watching movies and videos that we will quote for months, to eating ice cream and having 5-hour phone conversations. Here's to quoting songs and never being afraid to dance along (or have you laugh at me as I dance and sing along). Here's to the board games that you may beat me at one day, but not today. Here's to me being clumsy and stubborn and you being slightly less clumsy but just as stubborn. Here's to playing would you rather and knowing random facts about each other because of it. Here's to pizza at midnight, pancakes at noon, and cake on birthdays. Here's to another year of having you as my best friend.

Happy Birthday!

Forever and Always,

Your person

Cover Image Credit:

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

15 Reasons Why You Should Join Greek Life

Letters today, leaders tomorrow.


Are you on the fence about joining in on Greek life? You're not alone. Maybe you aren't sure if it's for you, or if you want to go through the rushing process entirely. Everyone has doubts about the outcomes of their choices, but your experiences are determined by what you make of it. I believe that joining Greek life will not only shape your college years but it will develop you into a leader for the future. Here are 15 reasons why Greek life could be for you:

1. You will become extremely involved on campus.

Jessie Searles

There is no better way to get involved on campus than by getting involved with Greek life. You will not only hold your own campus events, but you will attend other Greek organizations to support and learn about their fundraisers and philanthropies.

2. The social aspect.

Kayla Miller

Going Greek is another great way to meet tons of new people and get out of your comfort zone.

3. Greek life will help you get involved in philanthropy and service.

Purdue Phi Mu

Every fraternity and sorority has an organization that they're passionate about. Joining a chapter can introduce you to a new charity organization with a great cause.

4. You will find your lifelong friends.

Purdue Phi Mu

With so many students on campus, you can often find yourself feeling lost in a sea of people. Joining a chapter not only allows you to find friends with similar interests, but a family as well.

5. You will find your home away from home.

Jessie Searles

Being part of a Greek organization can immediately find you a place on campus to call home- and campus will start to feel a lot smaller.

6. You will get help with your academics.

Kayla Miller

Academics are one of the most important and stressful parts of your college experience. Your fraternity or sorority chapter will be willing to help you throughout your academic journey.

7. You have the opportunity to be a leader in your community.

Kate Lorenzen

There are so many opportunities to take on a leadership role in your sorority or fraternity. Each position requires a lot of passion, hard work, and dedication since they help each chapter run smoothly and efficiently.

8. You have the opportunity to obtain scholarships.

Kate Parks

Specific chapters, honor societies, and Greek organizations offer several scholarships to their members. This can help to immensely ease the cost of student living and tuition.

9. You will learn valuable life skills.

Ella Bogart

You learn to communicate with those in your sorority or fraternity and work closely with others in an effort to accomplish a mutual goal. Other general skills include public speaking, planning, time management, leadership, and prioritizing your responsibilities.

10. You have an additional housing option.

Kate Lorenzen

You can have all of the benefits of being close to campus without all the chaos of living in a residence hall. Additionally, you'll be able to build even stronger connections with your fellow sisters or brothers if you choose to live-in your Greek house.

11. You will never feel alone.

Kayla Miller

When you join a family of over 100 sisters or 100 brothers, there is always someone to hang out with and turn too.

12. You will never feel bored.

Jessie Searles

Between all the events, fundraisers, community service, new friendships, socials, meetings, and general "down time" with your chapter, how could you ever be bored?

13. You will continue to network beyond college.

Purdue Phi Mu

Being in a Greek organization is a lifelong membership. Not only will you gain plenty of contacts, you will have plenty of meaningful experiences to add to your resume after graduation.

14. You become part of long-standing tradition.

Kate Parks

Make a difference and be a part of something great. The impact of Greek organizations will continue change the world for the better.

15. You will enhance your overall college experience.

Lauren Hernandez

You won't just find friends here, but a family full of unconditional love and support. You'll be surrounded by people who want to help and see you succeed. You'll make the best memories, and goodbyes will become harder. You won't regret choosing to rush, to go through recruitment, and to decide where you'll spend the next few years of your life with your new brothers or sisters- to go Greek.

"Celebrate we will, for life is short but sweet for certain." - Dave Matthews
Cover Image Credit:

Lauren Hernandez

Related Content

Facebook Comments