An Open Letter To The "Friends" I Tried Too Hard For

An Open Letter To The "Friends" I Tried Too Hard For

Maybe I'm crazy. Who knows. But this is how I feel.

My biggest problem has always been putting too much faith in people too quickly, seeing everyone as a potential friend. When I do start to notice myself having not-so-great thoughts about someone, my mind goes into hyperdrive, fiercely trying to shut them down, or find a way to justify them. Or, worst of all, I look for reasons to blame myself.

No, no--it must be you. There's something wrong with you, not them. Why are you being like this?

So I tend not to realize when someone is actually hurting me.

And now, once again, I'm finding myself emotionally drained, full of frustration and resentment because my efforts to be what I thought you wanted--what I thought you needed--the best, most-caring friend I knew how to be, seem to have gone unnoticed.

I could find plenty of reasons to think highly of you people when we first met. I haven't forgotten those thoughts. They've just changed, and I don't see the point anymore in pretending they haven't. Because in my eyes you have changed. In a way, I feel betrayed. What happened to the people I first got to know? How do you not realize that you've destroyed the image I built of you in my head? Of course I understand people change. But too often, in my experience, "changing" is equivalent to not making as much of an effort.

And sure, maybe my efforts haven't been totally obvious. This is where I feel like I'm being a little unfair. But I've suffered. I've gone back and forth and back and forth with myself trying to figure out if it was okay for me to ask certain questions, to say certain things, and then watched you offer up that information to other people like it was nothing. I wanted to know because I cared--too much, clearly. But you made me feel like I shouldn't care. Time and time again I bit my tongue when I felt like I had important things to say--and why, to keep the peace? You certainly never apologized to me for disturbing my peace. I let things go that I was really not okay with. I stepped way out of my comfort zone and tried very hard to do something that is objectively difficult to do. I sat back and watched things that went against everything I stood for happen. I was careful not to act too entitled, to keep myself in check because I wanted to be liked, and didn't want to give you anything to use against me. And I wanted you to see that. But you couldn't. Maybe I can't fault any of you for that and this frustration I'm feeling is invalid. But it just feels a lot better than being sad. I'm just sos tired of that.

So no longer will I tag along with other friends like a stray puppy just to get to spend time with you, while wondering why you can't be bothered to invite me personally. Or wonder why you seem to treat me so unfairly. No longer will I make a conscious effort to change my opinion of any of you; it just isn't worth it. No longer will I put up with these constant feelings of inadequacy, of needing to try harder. No longer will I put up with words or actions that are damaging to me--whether or not they're directed at me. And most of all, no longer will I put up with the general unfairness of the whole situation. I don't see any reason left to try. I'm just...done.

You may like me. You may think of me as a good person. You may even think of me as a friend and be completely taken aback by this. But if there's no proof, if you're not showing me that you feel that way, then all of that becomes meaningless. You have to show that you care. And you've proven to me in many ways that you're incapable of doing that. I'm sick of being the one who always cares more about other people than they do about me.

So don't expect to see or hear from me much anymore. Consider me gone. It's time for me to move on, and live the life I want and deserve, with the people who make me feel good about myself. Enjoy yours.

Cover Image Credit: Fable Feed

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Sorry, But "I'm Too Busy" Just Doesn't Cut It Anymore

"Learn to prioritize or find someone who will accept your too busy bullshit."

I'm busy too?

You make time for the things you want to make time for. By telling me you're too busy to come see me (when you haven't for months) I am completely understanding and accepting I'm just not a priority of yours. For some that's okay, but for others-like myself-I'm just not cool with it. I want to be loved, appreciated, heard, and seen. I would assume someone that I care for would want that for me too, but some just don't.

I've lost friends, family, and ex's all because they were too busy. In the long run they made time for the things they wanted to, and that was my point all along. You don't just get to put someone on the back burner and then decide when you're bored-"oh yeah, I remember you!"

It doesn't work that way. Maybe it's something I would have tolerated a few years ago because I didn't know my self worth and I wanted to keep people around because I loved them even though they didn't love me. Nowadays, I'm too busy cutting people out of my life if they do me wrong once. That's because I'm done giving second chances to people who don't work for them nor deserve them.

I'm too busy -- Is a load of shit.

What, you have too much school work?

-Okay maybe I'm not going to school to be the same thing you are, but I have homework too. It may be a different kind of work than what you're use to, but it still requires my time and patience nonetheless. So using the "I have too much homework to do, I just can't." Yeah, that doesn't really fly with me.

Learn to prioritize or find someone who will accept your too busy bullshit.

Oh, so you haven't gotten much sleep lately?

Neither have I! Most of the time, a lot of us haven't slept. Maybe you have children, maybe you have tests that need to be studied for, or maybe you have anxiety so bad through the night that you don't remember your last good sleep.

But I'm tired too. We are all tired. Every minute of every day, one of us is doing something that the other person isn't, so stop making it all about you and your schedule. Start acting interested in the things other people do and realize, "Huh, they're pretty busy and they make time for the people they love..maybe I should try that?"

Because what's going to happen is the people you're putting off, will eventually put you off permanently. We may tolerate you being busy for a good while, but that doesn't mean we'll do it forever.

Hmm, You don't have any money for gas?

Then maybe stop spending it all going out. How is it so hard to say to yourself: "Instead of buying booze maybe I'll save some money to go home and see my family."


"I haven't seen this friend for awhile, maybe I'll put off getting shit faced this weekend and make it a priority to see them."

It truthfully isn't that hard.

Maybe you're hours and hours away and you really are too busy to spend a whole weekend away from the hectic mess of it all. Then for God's sake, call? Text? Write a damn letter. Do something to show that the person waiting on the other end for a sign of life from you knows that you still care.

Eventually we'll start to believe you don't, and we probably won't either.

I'm done with I'm too busy. It doesn't mean a thing to me anymore. Every single one of us has our own obligations and activities that makes life seem impossible, but somehow we make due.

And if you actually cared for the person, so would you.

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A Thank You To The Friend I Don't Get To See Enough

You're a whole lot of lovely.

Dear Friend,

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Thank you for always being there. While we may not see each other every day, or even every month, I know, without a doubt, you are there for me.

Thank you for the ability to always pick up right where we left off, and always knowing just the thing to cheer me up when I am down.

Thank you for making me laugh, for hearing me vent, and for letting me cry on your shoulder.

Thank you for our phone calls, texts, and Facetimes for when we can't meet in person, and for homemade spotify playlists, made especially for me.

Thank you for spur-of-the moment beach trips, weekends, concerts, and just hanging out.

Friend, I appreciate you so, so much, and I cherish our friendship. I am so proud of everything that you have done, all that you have accomplished, and the person I have had the pleasure of growing up with. I don't know what I would do without you in my life, and I look forward to a future filled with so much more fun.

There is so much more I could say, because I just love you so much. But I will leave it at this: there's nothing like a childhood best friend, and I am so glad that you're mine.


Your friend

Cover Image Credit: Photo by Official on Unsplash

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