An Open Letter To The Girl Letting Go Of A Toxic Person

An Open Letter To The Girl Letting Go Of A Toxic Person

I know you love them or want to be around them but it is time to let go of a toxic person.

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To whomever this relates to,

There is a person that has made a huge impact in your life, whether it is a family member or a friend, and you want to keep them around but they are truly toxic to you. They make you feel that you are not good enough or take away your confidence to be who you truly are. Every time you are around them they suck the air out of the room, causing you to suffocate as a result. You end up worrying more about them or spending more time trying to please their unquenchable wants and needs. Spoiler alert, you will never satisfy them, in fact, the more you spend on them will make you feel less of an adequate person. They are like a leech, sucking the energy from you. This is not normal or okay.

I urge you to cut the toxic person out of your life completely. If you cannot do that then slowly distance yourself from them. It is not worth your sanity to continue on, trust me. I have experienced it quite a few times since I am a natural people-pleaser. I want everyone around me to radiate happiness but for some, being happy will not exist since they will never be content with a job well done. It makes you feel worthless and leads to a state of depression. Some even make you feel like you are the toxic or crazy one. The mind games drive you insane until you finally hit rock bottom and think, "This is not normal."

So how can you distance yourself from them? Well, you have already recognized the issue so that is a solid step in the right direction. Now move on by setting some firm boundaries that they cannot cross. By setting boundaries, you are showing them that their behavior is not appropriate and you will not put up with it. In this, you need to make sure that when the push the boundaries, because they will sooner or later, that you do not back down. Boundaries for toxic people must be rigid because they will push to see how much they can get out of you. Also, it is beneficial to find and keep a solid support system for yourself during this time. Whether this is another friend or family member, make them aware of the situation so that they can help if needed.

Some of you may think, "Well, I cannot distance myself from the toxic person in my life. So what now?" You will get through it. In fact, there are ways to cope with those that you cannot avoid, such as family members or co-workers. Again SET LIMITS. I cannot stress this enough. By putting limitations in place, you are essentially putting a boundary around yourself that says, "you cannot overstep me" in a subtle way. Also, toxic people can be very persuasive and charismatic. Do not fall for their tricks, look through them and visualize the motive that they have behind all of it. It is also important to be aware and in control of your emotions. You cannot control them but you can control how you react to their actions. When you feel overwhelmed with emotion, try to find the things in life that are concrete. Count the objects around you. State what you are doing. Finally, use "I feel" instead of "You are" because they will be defensive to your language. By stating how you feel or factual information that they cannot argue with, you are stripping them from using your words against you or twisting them for their prerogative.

It is so hard to deal with toxic people, but you will make it out a better person. My mom always says that there is a takeaway from every situation so maybe you can benefit from this experience in some way. I believe in you to make it out of this.

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If You Don't Respect The Relationships Of Others, It's Clear That You Don't Respect Yourself Either

No person who is truly happy and confident would try to interfere with two people who are happy together.

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To women who knowingly make advances on men in committed relationships,

I understand. You want a relationship. It is simply human nature to crave love and wish to give love in return. However, what I don't understand is looking for love in a person who has already found love in someone else.

You see him being a gentleman and treating the woman he loves with the chivalry she deserves. You can tell how madly in love they are and you can't help but feel jealous, realizing that he has all of the qualities you look for in a man. You can't control your thoughts or feelings.

However, what you can control are your actions. When it comes to interfering with a relationship, you cannot just assume you will not be held accountable for the things you say and do in an attempt to tear two people apart. In a world of 7 billion people, there are no excuses to make advances toward someone in a relationship. None at all.

It does not matter if you've known the person for years. It does not matter if you've dated before, miss the connection you used to have, and are looking to reconnect. It does not matter if you're drunk. Save the heart-eyed emojis and "I love you"s for someone else.

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Flirting with someone fully aware of the fact that that person is in a relationship is flat out disrespectful to all parties involved and will result in one of two outcomes.

Maybe you will get the reaction you want and the man will go behind his girlfriend's back to be with you. Or, if he respects the woman he is with, he will be honest with her and cut you out of his life because of your lack of respect for the relationship.

If the man ends up betraying his girlfriend, you may think you won him over. While this may feel like a victory at first, karma will come back and bite you. It always does.

The way you win him is exactly how you will lose him. If he'll do it to her, he'll do it to you.

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Thankfully, there are men in the world who will stay loyal and refuse to let other women come between them and their significant other. However, the blatant disrespect on your part is still evident, even if the relationship is strong enough to remain unaffected by the drama you cause.

You might think that spilling your undying love to the man you've been crushing on is justified. However, if he is with another woman, it is best to keep those thoughts to yourself, especially if you have any type of friendship or basic respect for either person in the relationship.

Put yourself in the woman's shoes. Would you want another woman, especially an ex or friend, messaging the person you love flirty paragraphs of admiration? If you wouldn't want it sent to your significant other, do not send it to someone else's significant other. It's that simple.

The thing about boundaries is that once they're crossed, it is hard for things to ever go back to the way they were before. Once you show disrespect to a relationship, neither partner will trust you again. Are your impulsive texts worth ruining your reputation and potentially hurting others?

Respect boundaries. Respect others. Respect yourself.

Everyone deserves a happy relationship. If you really respect yourself, you will recognize that nothing healthy or loving can come out of another person's sadness and betrayal.

Sincerely,

The woman who wishes you could have been more considerate before hitting "send"

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