An Open Letter To My Love

It was a week I'll never forget.

More than 4 years ago but less than 5.

It was grey, sad, and lonely.

We were confused, scared, and ashamed. Not ashamed of each other, but ashamed of who we'd always been.

Ashamed of becoming our true selves.

"Let's just try to be friends."

I tried to let you go, I tried to forget how I felt about you, but all I could do was cry.

Cry and wish that I didn't have to be scared of loving you. Wish that our love wasn't considered to be wrong or different than someone else's. Wish that our love wasn't thought of as "just a phase."

"I can't see her." "How am I supposed to stay friends with her?" "Is this as hard for her as it is for me?"

My jumbled thoughts left me at war with myself.

In these moments, I thought I would have to move on and create a life I didn't want; a life without you.

I craved your affection. It wasn't a feeling I could dismiss.

I would sit with you and we would talk but all I could think about was never again holding your hand or kissing your lips.

It was a week I'll never forget.

At the end of the week I told you "We have to be together and accept what we are or I can't see you at all."

I knew you didn't want that. I didn't want it either.

But how was I supposed to act like everything was okay? How could we just be friends and act as if nothing else ever happened? Act as if I wasn't madly in love with you?

Fuck that. I don't want to be without you.

Am I crazy for feeling like this?

We may not be ready to tell the world but I'll be damned if I let you go. I'll be damned before I never again hold your hand or kiss your lips. So I did. I grabbed you and I kissed you.

And I knew in that moment I would never take your kiss for granted. I would never take you for granted. I knew that any confusion, fear, or shame would be worth your love.

You were worth fighting for.

I knew that no matter what you would be by my side fighting for our love. Because it's no ordinary love.

It was a week I'll never forget. You're the girl I'll never forget because you've given me a love I'll never forget.