An Open Letter To The First Man Who Never Loved Me

An Open Letter To The First Man Who Never Loved Me

I'm sorry. I thank you. I hope you're happy.
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Dear "Dad,"

I'm not bitter anymore, I'm just sorry. I'm sorry that you didn't want to be a part of my successes and would rather be my biggest failure. I'm sorry that you chose a life without me in it. I'm sorry that I accomplished so much in the past year and you've heard nothing about it. I'm sorry that you have no right to be proud of me. I'm sorry that you will never be a part of my life again. I'm sorry that I let you hurt me this badly. I'm sorry that I put so much trust and effort into building a relationship that you just didn't want. I'm sorry that I had faith in you. Most of all, I'm sorry that I wasn't good enough for you.

I look back on all of the times that we never shared together and I don't get sad anymore. Rather, I get a sense of pride in myself. I know how strong I've become just because of your lack of existence. I know that there were people in my life who took your spot and excelled in raising me. I know that you will never see the damage you've done to me, and I promise you that I will make sure you will never see my successes as your own.

SEE ALSO: Be Patient With The Girl Whose Heart Was Broken Before You Came Into Her Life

I remember all of the times I chose you over myself. I think back on all of the times that I tried to keep you, but you still ended up walking out on me. I would like to thank you for this. Thank you for teaching me that no matter how bad I want someone in my life, it doesn't always happen. Thank you for teaching me that I won't always get what I want. Thank you for letting me down enough times that I only view myself as dependable, and no one else. Thank you for standing back and letting me struggle when it was obvious that you could have helped me. Thank you for making me as independent and self-reliant as I am.

The credit that you don't deserve is given all to my mother. You couldn't even imagine the amount of stress that you put on her. She had to watch her daughter hate herself, believe that it was her fault and cry nightly because of a man who didn't want to be in her life. The first man to break my heart, before I even knew I had a heart to be broken, was you.

I hope you're content with your decisions. I hope you are living the life you wanted to live. I hope that you look back on the daughter that you never had and take this as a learning experience. I hope you learn. I hope you grow as a person. I hope you don't make the same mistakes you have.

SEE ALSO: A Letter To My Step Dad

If you ever wake up one morning and want to come back into my life, don't. I don't need an apology from you. I don't need to hear your voice again. I don't need to know how you're doing, where you are or "what's new." I don't need to answer your questions. I don't need to let you into my heart just to lose you again. I don't need you.

I'm sorry.

I thank you.

I hope you're happy.

Love,
Your "Daughter"

Cover Image Credit: Zierra Treshock

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Dear Mom, From Your Daughter In College

Here are all the things our phone calls aren't long enough to say.
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Dear Mom,

Do you remember when I was three and we would play together? It was the age of princesses and carpet that was actually lava, and you were the prettiest woman in the whole wide world. Do you remember when I was in high school and the world seemed too big and scary? You would know exactly when to take me on a mother-daughter date and have me laughing about anything and everything, and you were the smartest woman in the whole wide world. Now, I'm buried in homework and deadlines hours away from you and we don't get to talk as much you want, but you're still the prettiest, smartest woman in the whole wide world.

I'm sorry that I don't call you as much as I should, and you know a lot of what goes on in my world via posts and pictures. Our schedules just seem to never line up so we can have the three-hour conversations about everything like I want to. I know we don't agree on absolutely everything, but I cherish every piece of advice you give me, even though it probably seems like I'm hardly listening. I know that sometimes we get on each other's nerves, but thank you for putting up with me for all of these years. Thank you for listening to me cry, complain, question things and go on and on about how everything in college is. I know I don't come home as much as I used to, but I think about you all the time. After all, you're my first friend, and therefore, my best friend.

Thank you for celebrating my successes with me, and not downing me too hard for my failures. Thank you for knowing what mistakes I shouldn't make, but letting me make them anyway because you want me to live my life and be my own person. Thank you for knowing when to ask about the boy I've been talking about, and when to stop without any questions. Thank you for letting me be my crazy, weird, sometimes know-it-all self.

Thank you for sitting back and watching me spread my wings and fly. There is no way I could have known how to grow into the woman I am today if I hadn't watched you while I was growing up so I would know what kind of person I should aspire to be. Thank you for being the first (and the best) role model I ever had. You continue to inspire and amaze me every day with all that you do, and all that you are.

I don't know how I got so lucky to have a person in my life like you, but I thank the Lord every night for blessing me with the smartest, prettiest person to be my best friend, my role model, my confidant, my person and most importantly, my mother.

Love,

Your daughter

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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My Best Friend's Relationship Proves That True Love Still Exists

Four years later, and not even a second of her time has been wasted.

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With every swipe right, comes a little hope inside of you that this one will message you and the two of you will work out. But then reality hits, you realize it's 2018, and the dating game is not what it used to be. It sucks.

I'm constantly surrounded with success stories amongst my best friends when it comes to dating apps. One of my best friends met her boyfriend of 2-years with just a simple swipe on Bumble. As someone who's been using these apps for quite a while, I tend to wonder, "Will this swipe work out?"

But then, I look at couples like my best friend, Abbey and her boyfriend, Jake. Now when I say these two were made for each other, they were made for each other.

Around four years ago, my best friend had just gotten out of a toxic relationship and took a few months away from dating. After going to a country concert, she never thought that night would be the night that would change her life for the next four years.

That night, she met Jake through mutual friends and right away they hit it off. Something just clicked. I remember hearing her tell me all about him, and I could hear nothing but pure happiness in her voice. At this point in her life, she wasn't looking for anything serious and the last thing on her mind was getting into another relationship. But sometimes, you just meet the right person that has the power to change your mind.

It takes a special kind to do that for someone as stubborn as my best friend. (Good job, Jake.)

After exchanging numbers and bonding over their love of country music, Abbey had a good feeling, but she was looking to just be friends at the time. Or so she thought.

Later that night, Abbey and her friends ended up getting into a car accident. Thankfully, everyone was okay. But after Jake found out, he texted Abbey right away with concern to make sure she was okay. Bonus points to you, Jake.

If he never texted her that night to make sure she was okay, who knows if they would even be together right now.

The first time I'd heard about Jake. I will be honest, I was very protective. After seeing your best friend go through a heartache, you become like Hannah Montana's bodyguard, Roxie. "Roxie like a puma." You are now that puma.

I wasn't about to let some guy just try and date my best friend again. She's too good for that. She needed someone who wasn't going to waste her time.

Four years later, and not even a second of her time has been wasted.

As the dominantly single friend, I've dealt with plenty of my friends' relationships. Some have made me wonder why they're even together, while Abbey and Jake's relationship gives me hope to have a relationship as strong and real as theirs.

After spending time with them for the past four years, nothing has changed. Jake still looks at Abbey like she's the most beautiful girl in the world, and Abbey looks at Jake like she's so thankful to have met him that summer night four years ago. They both feel a sense of security with one another, and within this generation, a genuine connection is so hard to find.

Seeing the intensity of love they share with one another, gives me a sense of confidence to know that my prince charming is out there somewhere. I don't know if I'll find him through the art of swiping right or by bumping into him on the street someday, but my best friend's relationship inspires me to never settle for anything less than what I deserve.

Here's to you, Abbey and Jake. Thank you for showing me what true love looks like and that it still exists.

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