Dear Organic Chemistry,

“Is there more of a presence of the ketone tautomer in aqueous solution for beta-diketones.”

Outlined above is my most recent Google search, something that studying for you made me ponder. While I was typing that sentence out, I secretly wished someone (preferably of the opposite sex) was looking over my shoulder and was amazed by how smart this mysterious girl was. Well, mystery boy, if you do exist, then I’ll have you know that the mysterious smart girl has no clue what she’s doing 90 percent of the time and that’s why she resorts to Google. So, I guess I'll keep this short and sweet and say that we weren’t going to work out anyways and I’m sorry for getting your hopes up.

Organic chemistry, I blame this all on you.

Organic chemistry, I blame you for all of the FOMO I have experienced this year due to you causing me to stay in. If I’m being completely honest, then this is the most time consuming (mentally and physically) relationship I have ever been in. Even when I’m not doing Ochem, I’m thinking about Ochem. I find Ochem jokes funny. I can never look at basic shapes the same. You have truly ruined hexagons and pentagons for me. You even found a way to ruin straight lines. Just seeing basic zig-zag doodles causes me to shutter a little and wonder whether it would be an SN1 or SN2 reaction.

My friends think I’m obsessed with you. Truthfully, sometimes I do too. Why are you always on my mind? I’ve found myself dreaming about mechanisms and designing synthesis problems. The other day, my friend told me that she felt like I’ve been studying for you this whole year. That’s when I realized the saddest fact of my life thus far is that my relationship with organic chemistry is the most consistent relationship I’ve had this year. Or, maybe ever. I’m not even majoring in chemistry. I don’t want to be a doctor and I have absolutely zero plans on ever thinking about you in my future career endeavors. And yet, I find myself saying goodbye to all forms of the world outside of the library for weeks on end just to do (kind of) well in your class.

I will admit that you do make me feel kind of awesome. Prior to college, I would hear horror stories of the course that is “organic chemistry.” Just saying those two words out loud is a little terrifying. I told myself that I would never have to endeavor you, and I’m proud to look at myself now actually understanding the language that is organic chemistry. It’s amazing that I can look at the most foreign of a language to most people outside of the sciences and know exactly what is happening. I do occasionally like slipping out the, “I’m in Ochem card,” just in hopes that it’ll boost my “library street card.” People suddenly look at you with a sense of understanding and sympathy when they hear me drop your name.

I would like to direct this portion of the letter to every person close to me. I’m sorry for talking about Ochem so much, and I’m sorry for all of the times I’ve flaked on you because Ochem pulled me away.

Organic chemistry, while my quarter with you is almost done forever; I would like to say that I’d miss you. But, truthfully, I won’t. At all. You haven’t killed me (yet), and you’ve made me stronger.

See you in a year when I take your lab,