To The Monsters In My Head | The Odyssey Online
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Mental Health

To The Monsters In My Head, When They Come Out To Play

We just don't get along.

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To The Monsters In My Head, When They Come Out To Play
Adriana Gil

If I could escape, I would. I wouldn't hesitate for a moment, opening up the door and letting you guys walk away. I'm sure I would feel such relief in every aspect of my life if I had a way to make you leave. The closest I get to it though is learning how to control you. How to tame you from taking over everything.

Though sometimes I fail and you all come out to play.

I think the part I hate about you guys the most, is when I'm trying to do something normal. Like when I'm about to order my food in a line of people, how if there are people behind me, one of you begins to race. When I'm laying in bed at night, ready to fall asleep, how you begin to pound my heart keeping me up and waking me up when I finally fall asleep.

Then the other one decides to tell me to stay in bed all day. Takes away my motivation and replaces it with an empty feeling. You make everything worse and I resent you for it.

I think it's cruel that you guys came into my life unexpectedly and decided to make a home out of my head. How even when the lights go out, you're still figuring out a way to start the generator and turn them back on. How there's no sharing a place with the good, it's all about you and your darkness.

I don't even remember when you guys first moved in, but I know its been years. If I could evict you all, I would. I know there are months where rent is paid, and I think you've left on your own. There's a party when you're on vacation and my mood shows it. I'm the star of my show and life is a rainbow. The good comes out to play and I love the person I am. No more sleeping in, no more feeling sad for no reason, and no more freaking out because I can't pick something, afraid I will be wrong.

But then you guys come back. You settle back down and you crash the party, claiming your home once again.

I hate you guys, but you make me stronger. I have built myself from the crumbles you make me. Every time I get up stronger. Every time I learn how to tame you better than the last time. One day I'm sure you'll rarely come to visit in your home in my head. One day. Until that day, I will fight back. I will not let you guys win.

Mr. Dep and Ms. Anx, get ready for a fight.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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