Talking about my mental illness has always been a problem for me.
I can't ever seem to get anyone to understand what I'm going through. I was first diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety when I was 16 years old. I wasn't very open about it with my friends, which made me feel alone. So I turned to the words of others for comfort.
Picking out a few songs that helped me through for this article was very hard. There are so many more than just these few I'm writing about.
If you are reading this and struggle with mental illness, I hope these songs help you feel less alone and bring you some clarity like they do for me.
If you are reading this and know someone who struggles with mental illness, I hope you can listen to these words and try to understand what they go through everyday.
Here are 15 songs that describe my depression and anxiety.
1. "Fake Happy" by Paramore
Paramore was one of the first bands I ever fell in love with as a teenager. This band has helped me through a lot throughout the years. Their latest album "After Laughter" is something like magic.
The sound of the album makes you feel like this:
But then when you listen to the lyrics, you feel like this:
"See I'm gonna draw my lipstick wider than my mouth, and if the lights are low they'll never see me frown."
2. "I Can't Breathe" by Bea Miller
Anxiety feels like I'm stuck in a prison inside my own body. It's like there are bars around my lungs that only let me breathe in so much air at once. My mind can't control my body when I am having a panic attack, so I just stop breathing. I stumbled across this song and it just explains.... everything.
"Now my body and mind are so distant, don't know how to escape from this prison. How can I free my mind? Cause I can't breathe."
3. "Lua" by Bright Eyes
"Well it takes one to know one kid, I think you've got it bad, but whats so easy in the evening by the morning it's such a drag."
4. "Breakers" by Local Natives
"Breathing out, hoping to breathe in. I know nothing's wrong, but I'm not convinced."
5. "Blindsided" by Bon Iver
Bon Iver is my favorite band ever. I come back to their music time after time when my mood is low. "Blindsided" explains how I feel like my body isn't mine. I feel blindsided.
"For the agony, I'd rather know. Cause blinded, I am blindsided."
6. "Blood" by The Middle East
"Since our grandma passed away you've waited forever and a day just to die, and some day soon you will die."
7. "All My Days" by Alexi Murdoch
"I cried aloud, I shook my hands, what am I doing here? All of these days."
8. "Pool" by Paramore
Another song off of Paramore's latest album "After Laughter". This album is just too good.
"I'm underwater, no air in my lungs. My eyes are open, and I'm giving up. You are the wave I could never tame."
9. "About Today" by The National
"How close am I to losing you?"
10. "Breathe Me" by Sia
"I have been here many times before, hurt myself again today and the worst part is there's no one else to blame."
11. "Basket Case" by Sara Bareilles
"I don't say much, and it'll stay that way. You've got a steel train touch and I'm just a track you lay."
12. "Car Radio" by twenty one pilots
twenty one pilots is one of those bands whose words are more than we can understand. I was lucky enough to see them live and this song... Just wow.
"Sometimes quiet is violent, I find it hard to hide it. My pride is no longer inside it's on my sleeve."
13. "Be Still" by The Killers
"And if they drag you through the mud, it doesn't change what's in your blood."
14. "Medicine" by Daughter
When I was first prescribed my antidepressants I refused to take them. I was scared that by taking them I would be hiding away a huge piece of who I was.
"You've got a warm heart, you've got a beautiful brain but it's disintegrating from all the medicine."
15. "Last Hope" by Paramore
"And the blood in these veins isn't pumping any less that it ever has, and that's the hope I have, the only thing I know that's keeping me alive."
If you or someone you know is struggling with mental illness, here are some resources:
National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
National Alliance on Mental Illness https://www.nami.org/
Anxiety and Depression Association of America https://adaa
