Anxiety is when you care too much about everything. Depression is when you don't really care about anything anything. Having both is just like hell.
People think that depression is just being sad and anxiety is just worrying all the time, but there is so much more to each disorder. Having both of these at the same time is hell. They affect mood, behavior, emotions, and thoughts each in their own ways.
It's tricky to find the right medications because depression requires uppers and anxiety requires downers. It can take years to find the correct combination to ease the symptoms of these disorders, or no medication may ever be found to help.
People who suffer from these illnesses still have to try their best to live a normal life despite the complications they face. We still try to have relationships even though it's hard. We know our disorders affect the people around us, so here are a few things we want you to realize.
1. We're Sorry!
We know it's hard to be around us sometimes. We know we worry too much, and that drives you crazy sometimes. We know you hate when we cancel plans last minute because we don't feel like leaving the house. We know it's not fair to keep pushing you away when all you want to do is help. We know all of this, and we are sorry we do it. We wish we didn't treat you this way. We wish things were easier. We really are sorry that we can't treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
2. We're So Thankful.
Thank you for sticking around. Thank you for not giving up on us no matter how many times we shut you out. Thank you for being there for us.
3. We Really Are Trying!
I promise, we are trying to get better. Everyday is a new challenge for us. Some days are worse than others. We try our hardest, but some days we just can't win. Please don't accuse us of not trying. We feel awful enough already about not being strong enough to overcome our disorders, so you pointing out our failures and saying we aren't trying hard enough has very negative effects. Depression and anxiety are illnesses. Just because you don't see physical symptoms like with a broken arm doesn't mean they aren't real.
4. Please Don't Blame us...
This isn't our fault. We didn't ask for this. Nothing we did caused our disorders. For some reason our bodies just produce chemicals differently than other people. When we say we can't go out, we really mean we can't. We aren't choosing to stay at home by ourselves. We would much rather be out with you, but our illness won't allow us at that particular time. You wouldn't blame someone with cancer for giving themselves the disease or of faking it. You wouldn't blame them for cancelling plans because their chemo was making them sick, so don't do it to someone with a mental disorder. It isn't our fault.
5. It's Not Personal
Yes, it feels personal when we cancel plans. Yes, it feels personal when we don't respond to your texts for a week. Yes, it feels personal when hanging out with you doesn't make us magically better, but it isn't personal. Once again, this is an illness.
6. You Can't Fix Us
I personally am in a wonderful relationship with a loving boyfriend, but that doesn't mean that I'm cured of my depression and anxiety. I have amazing friends that I love to death, but even when I'm out having fun with them I still have depression and anxiety. You can make us happy, you can help us when symptoms arise, but you cannot cure us. Don't get mad when we're still depressed. Don't tell us we shouldn't be depressed or anxious because we are with you and that should make us happy. It doesn't work that way.
7. Don't Force Us Into Uncomfortable Situations
This is literally the worst thing you can do to us. We aren't going to get better by being forced into situations that make us anxious or depressed. We won't "get used to it". All this will do is cause us to have even more bad memories and reasons to feel the way we do in these situations. So please just don't.
8. Stop Saying You Understand
Unless you have ever suffered from depression and anxiety, you cannot possibly understand what it feels like. Stop telling us you understand what we're going through. Just because you felt sad after your grandfather passed away doesn't mean you understand what it feels like to suffer from depression. Just because you were stressed about your economics final doesn't mean you understand what it feels like to live with anxiety. Just stop. It's extremely frustrating when someone tries to give you advice on something they've never experienced. Just because having a cup of tea calmed your nerves before that final doesn't mean we can just drink a cup of tea and stop having anxiety.
9. Stop Treating Us Like We're Broken
We have an illness, that doesn't mean you have to treat us any differently. We just want to be normal. We aren't fragile. We won't break into a million pieces if you don't baby us all the time. We don't need you to protect us from the world. There will be times we fall apart, you tip-toeing around us isn't going to stop that from happening. We are not children. We are not inferior to you. Just treat us like equals. We are a lot stronger than you realize.
10. Trust Is A Big Thing For Us
We don't trust easily, so if we say we trust you we are serious about it. Don't take this trust for granted. It probably took us a very long time to be able to trust you, but all of that can disappear in a single second. Every time someone breaks our trust, it makes it that much harder for us to trust anyone else again.
11. It's Hard For Us To Open Up
Don't get mad if we don't tell you stuff. This goes back to the trust thing. Even if we do trust you we don't want you to see us differently. We worry that if we tell you whats going on in our heads or how we feel you will get freaked out and leave. We are worried you will judge us like so many people have before. Sometimes, we don't even know what's going on in our heads. How are we suppose to tell you about something we don't even understand ourselves?
12. Our Moods Can Change In Two Seconds
Sometimes there is a trigger that can cause us to have a panic attack or feel depressed like a certain place or situation. Other times, there is no reason it just happens. We don't always know why our mood changes. We can be in the middle of a laugh, surrounded by people we love when it hits. No warning, no reason.
13. Some Days Are Better Than Others
Keep inviting us to group activities or social outings. Most of the time we will probably say no, but some days we feel better than others. There might come a day when you ask us, and we say yes. We are stronger some days, and we want to be a little adventurous.
14. Doing Something Risky Doesn't Mean We Want To Die
Sometimes we become so numb that the only way to feel something is to do something crazy. We do crazy, stupid, and dangerous stuff sometimes so we can feel alive, not to try and kill ourselves. Some of us are suicidal, but most of us generally want to get better. We haven't given up yet. We just want to feel something.
15. Depression And Anxiety Aren't Always Noticeable
The pictures used above are more of how these disorders feel. Depression and anxiety don't always look the way the media portrays them. I have depression and anxiety, and I don't spend my days crying in a dark room. Depression and anxiety are not my entire life. I have happy moments. I have carefree days. Not everything in my life is bad. Most people who know me probably wouldn't even notice I have these disorders. Here are a few pictures of what it can look like to live with anxiety and depression.
