People think that depression and anxiety are total opposites but in reality they co-exist off of each other. How do I know this? I have both depression and anxiety messing with my head. Everyday is a battle between the two of who will take control today! It really is a battle, and really there is no winner.
In one corner we have depression: that feeling of worthlessness. The feeling of hopelessness that there is no point trying and nothing matters and you should just stay in bed all day. All you want to do is just sleep because the world has worn you out so much. It's like that nagging voice that says "Don't go, just stay in today, there is nothing out there for you anyway." Literally getting up everyday is a struggle because your body just feels so shut down. You just don't want to try anymore. It sucks all the life out of you and honestly everyday you get up and walk out those doors is a victory! Depression is like you are stuck in quicksand and you cant get out of it no matter how much you want to get out and go for your dreams. Its always feeling like you can't and will do nothing right, that no one cares about you and your life is meaningless. That you do not deserver anything thing and never will.
It's a really draining feeling like imagine you are swimming in a pool and at the end there is a light. You want to swim to that light, where your dreams, goals, and passions are. So you start to swim towards it, your doing great so far its so close in your reach, but then you feel a tug at your leg, it keeps tugging at you trying to pull you down deeper into the water. You try to stay afloat fighting against this strong pull, but nothing is working it has such a strong hold on you. You want so badly to go to that light, to be happy and to follow your dreams. But this strong pull wont let go, finally it has gotten so strong that you are just being pulled down into the water. The light disappears as you fall deeper into this water and it feels like you are sinking at this point. Your body is numb and everything just starts to go black. That is what depression is.
Then tag teaming with it is anxiety. Anxiety is literally the constant feeling of worry, nervousness, and uneasiness about every little thing that may or may not happen. The stress of future events and now events. The ability to care way too much then you need too. It is so much sometimes because you always overthink everything. The "What's ifs" are constantly plaguing your mind with every decision you make. Like should I done that? Why did I do that? Did I make the wrong choice? That was so super of me, I am so stupid and etc. Its always having doubt, second guessing yourself is a becomes second nature to you. It's hard to go out and have fun when you have consent worries filling you head every five seconds. It's never feeling like anything is ever going to go right or go your way. It's staying up late at night thinking about every horrible outcome that may or may not happen tomorrow.Think of it as riding a roller coaster, you know that part when you are slowly riding up the hill part to go down. During the ride up, all you feel is a lot of fear, worry, and, panic about what will happen when you get to the top, or while you are riding up.
It is just as exhausting as depression, think about it as everyday you wake up and there are bees buzzing around you and they start stinging at you though out the day. During lunch, when you are with friends, when you are doing your homework, or when you are just by yourself. They keep stinging you, never stopping you. Picture those bee stings as each of your worries, stress, and fears though out the day. It would be a lot right, each one hurts more then the last and even though they may heal there are still many more sting bumps on you. More bees to come and sting you. That is what anxiety is like, fear and worries that don't go away, no matter how much you want them too, they just keep coming.
Picture these two different feeling pulling your mind like tug of war everyday, all day. Trying to be the one in control but in the end of the day it is just putting an emotional drain on you.
I have been dealing with both, trust me it isn't easy. Every morning I wake up and I deal with these two. I deal with anxiety for the day: "What if I don't accomplish anything today?" "What if I fail today?" "What if my friends don't want to hang out with me? Maybe I did something wrong? Maybe I'm not a great friend?" and so many other worries flood my mind making me want to start to day or the I am a failure then the next thing I know I am dealing with depression: "Maybe I shouldn't go out today" "My friends probably don't want to hang with me" "I think I'll just stay in bed" "No one will miss me anyway" and a lot of sad, worthless feelings enter my mind and make me want to give up on the day.
Everyone sees me as a positive bubbly girl, but I have my issues too trust me. I just hide them a lot so I don't worry those closest to me.
Let me tell you something, if you are like me and deal with both depression and anxiety:
DO NOT LET THEM RUIN YOUR LIFE! YOU ARE STRONGER THEN YOUR DISORDERS, DON'T LET THEM DEFINE YOU! YOU ARE AMAZING, WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING WHO CAN ACHIVE ANYTHING!
SO YOU HAVE A FEW MORE HURDLES TO DEAL WITH THEN OTHER PEOPLE. IT IS POSSIBLE! TRUST ME, I DO IT EVERYDAY! YOU ARE NOT A FREAK BECAUSE YOU HAVE THESE THINGS, YOU ARE NORMAL!
YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY, YOU JUST HAVE TO WORK A BIT HARDER TO GET THERE! NOTHING DEFINES YOU! BE STRONG, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, AND REMEMBER KEEP YOUR HEAD UP HIGH, NO MATTER HOW HEAVY IT MAY BE! YOU'RE ALIVE AND YOU'RE TRYING, THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS!
Having anxiety and depression isn't something easy to deal with it's an emotional cycle that can weight very hard on someone's mind. But you just have to remember that you can fight this, you can live a happy life!
It has taken me awhile but I have learn how to live with my depression and anxiety. here are a few trips from me!
For Anxiety:
- Coloring a Coloring book
-Doing Yoga and Mediation
-Listening to music
-Sing a song in your head
-Watching cartoons (Everyone needs a laugh!)
-Hug a Stuff Animal
-Remember everything is going to be ok!
-Remember you rock and you can do it!
-Take a breath and Relax!
For Depression:
-Have a happy notebook (A notebook filled with positive quotes that you can read when ever you are down)
-Drawing happy pictures
-Go out for a run or just exercise!
- Do what makes you happy and enjoy!
-Go Outside
-Get some ice cream or a something sweet!
-Going to consulting
-Hug a puppy or a kitty or some kind of animal
-Remember you have your family and friends, they support you
-Be Active
-Make a jar of happiness
-Take a day trip
- Smile always!
-Motive yourself everyday! (I got this, I can do this!)
-Be creative!
-Positive vibes only!
