My love,

I'm sorry it's been so long since we've seen each other. I know it's not for lack of trying, on either of our parts. Eight hours is a long drive, one I wish I could make more often. But school gets in the way, and not having a car really gets in the way, and we're left with a lot of cancelled plans and lonely nights. Every time I have to tell you no, I can't come visit no matter how badly I want to, it breaks my heart a little more.

I wish I could do better.

I wish I could spend every second with you. I wish I could be there to hold you when it's three in the morning, and you're up crying, and I can't do anything but give you the same spiel you've heard a thousand times through a phone screen. I wish I could wake up to you every morning, and walk you to all your classes, and cuddle up with you after a hard day so we can play "Paper Mario" together and I can kiss all the hurt away.

Being so far away has never been easy on either of us. We've made do with what we have, made the most of our Skype calls and imagined hugs. It's not enough, but we're living with it.

Of course, every time I do get to see you-- every time I'm reminded how soft your hair is, how warm your arms are, how perfectly your hands fit in mine-- it makes all those weeks apart worth it.

When we're together, it's like the distance never was.

No, wait. That doesn't quite cover it.

The echoes of the distance still exist when I'm with you again-- not a wedge between us, but the euphoria that drives us back together. Every new reunion with you is sweeter than the last, knowing I've finally found my other half again after more and more time apart. I feel whole when I'm with you, in a way I can never quite achieve on my own. You once said I was happy being I, being separate, in a way you aren't. Perhaps it is a little easier for me to grit my teeth and bear it when we're apart.

But I still miss the we, the two of us, every second that you're gone.

I'm still never quite complete without you.

And when you're here, when you're suddenly real after so many months of playing pretend-- I'm sure you know exactly how incredible that feels.

My sun rises with your smile.

My music starts with the melody of your laugh.

My world runs with the colors of your eyes.

I know sometimes it feels like the world is against us. Like it's too much to hope that we'll spend time together because plans have fallen through so many times. Like we can't be ourselves because we're so confined by where we're at in life. Like our paths will never cross after running parallel for so long.

All of it is worth it. Every struggle we've ever had, every doubt we've ever faced down together-- it'll all come together someday. I can't predict when any more than you can. All I know is that I can't wait for years down the road, when we've settled into our life together, when we can curl up on a couch of our own, and the distance between us now will just become a faded memory.

You've made the past four years shine, my love, even from across an entire state.

And I can't wait to see what the rest of our lives have in store for us together.

From over 300 miles away, happy birthday, and happy anniversary. I'll see you soon.

Always,

Your Shining Star