Dear Daylight Savings Time,

First of all, how dare you.

How dare you make me change my sleep schedule to work around you? That's selfish and extremely rude. What is it exactly that you're doing in spring, anyway? What good are you doing? What service are you providing for us? You give us more sun? As if we need more sun? Look at this planet! Global warming is happening! It's hot all of the time! Ice is melting! Summers are getting hotter every year! But you want to give us more sun? How is that beneficial at all? You disgust me. And on top of more time with the sun, you want to take away an hour of my sleep on the first day? Well, I've got news for you, pal. Time is just a social construct and I refuse to believe that I'm losing an hour of my precious sleep because of you, so I'm going to ignore you entirely and go about my day as if you aren't even here, so stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

However, I will say that I do appreciate your sibling that comes in the fall. It's really nice on that first day that your clocks go back an hour because you think to yourself, "I am so not looking forward to waking up for class/work tomorrow!" But then it's a fun little surprise because you get an extra hour before you have to wake up! Now, I don't know about anyone else, but I can and will always get behind sleeping in an extra hour, especially if it happens to fall on a Monday when your clocks fall back an hour because that will just brighten up anyone's day. Plus, do you know what's close to fall? Christmas.

Back on the offensive, however, I repeat my statement: how dare you.

I blissfully woke up this morning at the crack of dawn (AKA 11:30 am) to the cold, dreadful reminder that not only did I have to go to work today, but that you snuck up on me in the middle of the night and stole an hour of my time while I was asleep and defenseless. I feel hurt, I feel disrespected, I feel cheated, and most of all, I feel cranky. I don't know what I did to deserve this from you, but I'm not happy about it. Personally, I feel like you're giving time itself a bad name. You're going around wrecking people's days, and who's to blame for it? Time. Not you specifically, but time. Blanket statements can hurt, Daylight Savings Time. You're ruining time's life.

I'm running out of steam now because I'm so sleep deprived, but I would like to go over a few points again so they really stick with you. First of all, how dare you. Secondly, you bringing out the sun more helps no one and you should feel ashamed of yourself. Also, your sibling that comes in the fall is much better and much more loved than you. Finally, you're the worst and you're giving time a bad name. Remember these points before you try to take away an hour of my sleep ever again, Daylight Savings Time. You've been warned.

Sincerely,

All of humanity