Dear You,

You know who you are. Odds are you aren't going to read this, considering you blocked me on every social media platform possible. I feel like I need to truly express everything to you that I couldn't say four months ago when I ended things. I have an extreme gratification for the friendship we had and everything you have done for me these past five years, and this isn't a letter out of hate or to rub in your face. I could never hate you, and I hope you find the peace in your heart to move on.

Through high school we had a close knit friendship and an inseparable bond, and we would do everything together, like two peas in a pod, despite you being in the friend zone for those past five years. You helped me through breakups and all the hardships in my life, and you were my best friend through it all, which I will forever appreciate. You would give me rides and sit at church with me every Sunday and we would go and grab food afterwards and always would enjoy each others company. We had the goofiest time in personal finance were we really bonded. You even tried to teach me how to drive stick shift, which ended up being disastrous. I knew you wanted something more, and wanted to be more then friends, but I was not a place to give you that.

As I went through a rough patch my senior year, you were always by my side, and literally saved my life on my birthday, pulling me out of a sticky situation, which I literally don't know what I would've done without you that night. Ever since that night I thought we were meant to be together, and that I was meant to be with you for the rest of my life. We started dating and being a couple and doing everything together like we always did, and I saw everything falling into place. You were perfect. Atlas I thought you were.

I grew away from the Lord from that time, not putting God in center of our relationship. It was all about the Instagram and Facebook pictures, and the physical affection. Those things are great don't get me wrong, but we didn't connect on a faith level, and we weren't equally yoked. You were head over heels for me and so in love with me, but I wasn't at the same place. As I went to work at camp that summer, I was freaking and stressing out over what our relationship was going to be as we would have limited connection and would only get to see you once a month if we were lucky enough. I remember my mom telling me that night "you just gotta give it to the Lord, and he will take care of it" which couldn't be more true.

I went into the summer nonstop thinking about you and it kept me off my purpose of what I was doing at camp. I had this idea in mind until one night talking to the Camp Directors wife and how she met her husband, and what she said to me hit harder then it should've, and I realized as I was growing in my faith and my relationship with the Lord, you weren't. I was putting you over the Lord, and I realized I couldn't do that anymore, and that I wasn't able to love you like you were loving me. The Lord spoke to me and said that I wasn't meant to be with you and that he had bigger plans in mind that you couldn't come with, which I know sounds crazy and like an excuse, but the Lord wouldn't leave me alone for two weeks, and I fought the Lord so hard on. I was constantly asking him "why" and "how am I supposed to end things?", but the Lord was like "you just gotta do it, it's on my strength not yours". It was the very first time I ever listened to the Holy Spirit.

I stressed out so much that Friday night. I was dreading it. I cried. And cried. I don't even remember the words I used to speak to you or even how I explained it, the spirit put the words in my mouth. You were calmed and hurt through it. So many people questioned me on it and thought I was making excuses and I constantly questioned myself and the plan that the Lord had for me. I don't think I could've done it without the love and support of my camp family, which I will forever be thankful for.

If I would've stayed with you I couldn't of given you 100% like you were giving me. My heart was at a different place then yours, and ending things with you was the first step in my renewing my life with the Lord. I was putting you before the Lord, and as I was moving into the next chapter of my life, I couldn't keep living like that. I couldn't love you if I didn't love the Lord first.

I didn't want to hurt you, but I had to. I wanted to love you like you loved me, but I couldn't. I pray that you find grace through this and peace with yourself, and you find joy in the Lord like I did, and maybe one day we can rekindle our friendship.

I'm sorry for hurting you.

I'm sorry I couldn't love you.

But I'm not sorry for following God's plan.

I hope you find grace in all that you do-

The girl that you Loved.

John 3:30