Dear 15-year-old me,
Wow, you finally made it to high school. You have so many plans to recreate yourself because you were told this was the place to do it. You're so excited for the football games, getting involved in sports, and the boys. You've heard nothing but fun and exciting stories from all of your older friends. You'll soon find out that it's not all that it's cracked up to be.
Unfortunately, that's out of your control. Some things are going to happen that are going to break you; you're going to lose people that were taken away too soon. Friends are going to phase in and out of your life. And the boy, oh, that boy.
As much as you are going to like who you have become in the next six years, there are some things I'd like to warn you about.
1. School must remain your top priority as much as you think you hate it.
I couldn't tell you how much I wish I could go back in time and actually apply myself in high school. Granted, you were not informed on how important it is to maintain a certain GPA, how your junior year could make you or break you, or how hard it is to pull a 3.0 out of your ass at the 11th hour. Let me tell you now: It's hard. And it's not fun finding out that going into your senior year you have a 2.7 GPA, and if you don't get straight A's you will not receive HOPE.
So, do yourself a favor and apply yourself. You are incredibly smart and later down the road you will appreciate your passion for learning things. I know it sucks right now, but I promise you that it will be worth it when you can apply to the school you actually wanted to go to. Who knows, you could even get an academic scholarship. You're smart enough, and you are good enough to achieve this. Don't let those evil voices inside you tell you you're not.
2. Get involved in everything and anything you can, but don't overwhelm yourself.
You are a talented athlete with so much potential. I know you've been out of the game for awhile, but don't let that stop you from getting involved. Swim, volleyball, soccer, or anything! You know your parents will support you in anything you decide to do. I know that right now it may not seem like it, but give it a chance. Don't be afraid to ask, and don't underestimate your potential. A lot of people in that god-forsaken school are going to underestimate you; Do not give them that satisfaction. Go all the way and rub it in their faces when you make it. But don't get cocky because you're only a high school-er.
3. Get a job and start saving.
I know the story – your parents don't want you getting a job because they want you to focus in school. Perfectly understandable. But here's the thing; you're really bad at saving money, and being a college student with $6.75 in your bank account is not the ideal place to be in. Start babysitting and save. Trust me, it's going to help you so much more than you could ever imagine later down the road.
4. Please please please, learn how to study and manage your time wisely.
I get it. You're young and now you have so many opportunities to hang out with friends and be social. You may think you know what you're doing. But this is 20-year-old you saying you don't. Having ADHD sucks, but it doesn't hinder you. If you learn how to focus your attention on the important things first, life is going to be so much easier for you. You're a social butterfly, and you think you have all the time in the world to study for that test, but you don't, and you will fail. You'll have to explain that to your parents, and you know how much you hate doing that. College is hard, and it is where you will struggle the most. So use your agenda, make to-do lists, get a calendar, and get to it.
5. For the love of all things good and holy, cut the bullsh*t and stop getting in trouble.
Oh my god, I can't even begin to describe the importance of this. Let me just tell you now that you are not that sneaky. In fact, you're going to end up ratting yourself out for half the stupid sh*t you do and get in even more trouble. Cut it out. Your poor parents need you to start setting an example for your younger sisters, and as much as you don't think so, they look up to you. They will develop your same habits and traits just by watching you. They hear every fight you have with your parents. They know what you do. If anything, stop for their sake and future. You are going to wish you had six years from now, so just save yourself some heartache and get your act together. You aren't going to like the road you go down if you continue doing the sh*t you do. And you know what I'm talking about, so stop it because you're so much better than that.
6. Spend time with your family.
I know things are really hard right now at home. It seems like the ground beneath you is falling apart. Your older sister isn't there, and you feel alone. Well, guess what? You're not. Your parents are just going through a rough time right now, and none of it is your fault. They just want you to be around. So stay home on a Saturday night, give up a football game and just hang with your family. And be happy about doing it because one day you aren't going to live there anymore, and it's going to hit you harder than you could ever imagine. They love you, all of them. Get to know your sisters. Yes, they're annoying, but they love you and just want to be around you. Don't deny them that; they deserve to have you around.
7. Forgive your older sister for leaving the minute she comes back home.
You don't understand why she had to leave. She, just like you, was going through a lot of sh*t. And even though you guys aren't that close, she is your family. One day, she's going to be your best friend. You're going to be her maid of honor at her wedding. You two are going to have the best times you could ever have together. She is going to be there every time your heart gets broken. She's going to mother you, but it's because she loves you. Don't rob her of any more time she has lost with you.
8. Friends are going to come and go, but you will find the girls that will become your family.
You will have an assortment of friends the next four years of your life. The ones you think are your best friends now are going to stab you in the back, and the girls you never thought would be your friends are the ones that are going to get you through some of the hardest times of your life. You all compliment each other and make each other stronger. Invest in these friendships because they will be there when everyone else walks out. Yes, even the boyfriend.
9. And last, but certainly not least, do not ever let a boy change who you are.
You are going to struggle with this one. This boy will consume you. He will make you all the promises in the world. He will be charming, romantic, and sweep you right off your feet, but the minute he starts telling you who you can and can't be friends with, or where you can and cannot go, RUN. Follow your gut because it is going to tell you that you need to leave. It's going to be hard, and you're going to want to give in and just stay, but believe me when I tell you that you are so much better off without him. He will never see your true potential, and he will never love you for who you really are. You are an incredible person. You are going to overcome so much and grow into an amazing woman. And guess what? You do all of that without him. Do yourself a favor. Leave and don't ever look back. One day, you're going to meet a man that loves you, that sees your potential, and makes you want to be a better you everyday. He is going to push you to follow your dreams. He's going to challenge you. He's going to break down your walls little by little. He will see your worth and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Kick this asshole to the curb because God has the man for you, and this boy is not it.
You are going to do great things in life, no matter if you follow this advice or not. But if you want to save yourself some extra trouble, get a head start on it now. Focus on you. Figure out who you are. The rest will fall into place, and it is always going to be okay.
Sincerely,
Your 20-year-old self.
