I understand that not everyone has the privilege, a word I use lightly, of being an older sibling. For those that do, I feel you. I feel the love and I feel the annoyance. I am the proud owner of two younger siblings; I have a 17-year-old sister filled with teen angst, and a 14-year-old brother that believes he’s in love with his girlfriend of a month. Being at school, over a thousand miles away from them, is tough because I’m not there to do my job. I’m not there to intervene when my parents are being too tough. I’m not there to put them in their place when they’re being rude to my parents. I’m not there to help with school. I’m not there to help with friends. I’m not there watching them grow up.
The years before college can be rough. The girls can be mean, the boys can be stupid, and you want to be independent yet, in reality, you’re like 17 (so calm down). Yet, they can also be some of the best years. You’re young, carefree, and even though it’s hard to believe, this is the easiest your homework will ever be. My years prior to college were filled with bad grades, breaking curfew, coming home drunk, and other activities that gave my parents more gray hair than they needed. After going through it all and coming out alive, I definitely have some pieces of advice for those just starting that journey. So here are the things I would like my younger siblings, and the younger siblings of the world, to know:
1. Do what makes you happy.
I’ll never forget how devastated my parents were when I quit the volleyball team. “It’ll look great on your resume,” they said, “You need physical activity,” they said. These statements may have been true, but volleyball just wasn’t for me. I realized that I was just doing it to please my parents, and I wasn’t having fun. Of course, you want to make mom and dad proud, but in order to be stress-free, your happiness needs to come first.
2.Don’t stress over a bad grade.
I used to think an 80 was the end of the world. Now, I go out and celebrate an 80. That test you failed or that essay you bombed won’t matter in the long run, so ignore the nagging from mom and dad, take a deep breath, and move on. You’ll do better next time.
3.BUT you should still study.
Okay, so an occasional F won’t kill you, but that doesn’t mean you should ignore your schoolwork completely. If you use your time wisely and keep up with homework, by the time report cards come you’ll be thanking yourself.
4.Break some rules.
As the oldest sibling, I’ve already paved the way for my brother and sister. I put my parents through enough hell for them to not even flinch if my younger siblings do the same now. This logic goes for 99 percent of younger siblings: you will get away with anything. So why not take advantage? Come home late, sleep all day, throw parties when the ‘rents aren’t home; just have fun.
5.Don’t ignore mom and dad.
If anyone knows about teen angst, it’s me. I’m talking locked in my room with the music blasting, heavy eyeliner, hair in my face kind of angst. I would talk back to my parents and do exactly the opposite of what they asked. It was a rough period, but now I can only look back and laugh because my parents are my best friends. When you’re young and think you don’t need your parents, they’re actually exactly what you need. Talk to them. Tell them about your day. Tell them about your problems. They want to know what’s going on in your life and they only want to help. I know you just want to hang out with your friends, but take a day off to spend time with mom and dad. It means the world to them.
6.Your break up isn’t the end of the world.
Yes, I know, you were in love. They were your everything. Give it a few months and you’ll forget all about them. You’ll look back and laugh at how naive you were. You have an entire life ahead of you to look for someone to love and settle down with, so enjoy being young! Enjoy being on your own and finding out who you are. Spend time with your friends, join clubs, focus on school. You can work on a relationship when you’re done working on yourself.
7.You won’t be stuck in that town forever.
Sometimes it feels like a bubble. It feels like your hometown is the whole world and this is where you will live and die. Let me assure you that this is not the case. There is a whole world to explore, and in time, you’ll get to do it. You’ll experience new cultures, new places, and new people. You may even find a home away from home. Of course, you should always remember your roots, but the world doesn’t stop there.
8.Popularity means nothing.
Although it’s hard not to think that it does. I’m sure it feels like those kids get everything; the attention, the clothes, the parties, the boys/girls, and more. Maybe you feel unnoticed and lost in the crowd. In a few years, that will all be forgotten. College allows you to move on to a bigger pond where there are really no such things as “popular kids.” You’ll make new friends, maybe join an organization or two, and you’ll find your niche. The cool kids that ever made you feel insecure or inadequate will be a laughable memory.
9.You don’t know what you want to be when you grow up.
Hell, I have met 40-year-olds that tell me they don’t know what they want to be when they grow up. When I was a junior in high school I had myself convinced that I would attend NYU, major in musical theater and end up on Broadway. Now, I’m a communications major writing this in my dorm room at the University of Tampa. Tell me how that relates. Your mind will change every day, and the beauty is that it can. You don’t need to decide yet. You have all the time in the world, and even when you have a job, you still have time. So change your mind, change your major, even change schools if you want. It’ll all work out in the end.
10.I love you.
I definitely don’t say it enough. Most of my time is spent telling you to stop taking my clothes, stop playing video games, or to stop speaking. Yet, underneath all of that is love, I swear. I love hanging out with you. I love taking care of you. I love watching you grow up. I’ll always be here to listen to your problems, to help with homework, or to piss off mom and dad the way we do best. It’s been tough being in charge of you rugrats, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
