I go to an all-women's school in New York City. I had had a boyfriend for the majority of high school but have now spent the majority of my college career at this all-women’s college in New York City without one. At first it felt a little off, but then I decided to take it as an indication of my feminist development. I didn’t need a man to complete me---I was a strong independent woman, or whatever. I was alone, therefore I was (a feminist).

But now I have a boyfriend again and I am realizing I really do like having one after all. At first, this realization really disturbed me. Was I going backwards now? Was I going to lose my drive to make the world a better place? But then I came to realize that, yes, I was learning more about what it meant to be a feminist and why it was so meaningful (I had grown up blissfully unaware of the full extent to which we as a society still have to work to reach true equality for all people), but, at the same time, enjoying the comforting presence of another human that one feels close to does not fundamentally go against this notion, not at all actually. Just because I sometimes choose to stay in and watch a movie with my boyfriend rather than go out or sometimes enjoy taking a break to go out to dinner with him rather than using those hours to further my individual goals for the future doesn’t mean I don’t believe that women are as fully capable as men and deserve the same opportunities in life.

To extend this point, as one of my good friends said in a recent post, if you are someone who wants to have a traditional lifestyle--get married, have kids, stay home--- you can still be a feminist. The true point of the feminist movement is equal opportunities for all genders. A man can be a stay at home dad and a woman can be a stay at home mom or both parents can be working parents or you can be a couple without kids or you can be someone who chooses not to settle down with another person at all. These types of life choices are not what makeup your ideology and your beliefs about human rights. Standing up for equality and promoting the notion that women are no lesser than men in their capabilities---and should not be paid less for these capabilities---is being a feminist. Seeing two presidential candidates and voting for one based on their qualifications and what comes out of their mouth, rather than on their gender, is being a feminist. Speaking up in a room full of men, having your voice heard, is being a feminist.

And, while we’re at it, here’s a list of other things that don’t make you not a feminist: letting a guy open the door for you, letting your male friend hold your very heavy bag for you when he offers, accepting a respectfully given compliment about your appearance, making your bed, enjoying cooking, wanting kids, enjoying gardening, not playing a sport, not referring to your friends as “bro,”among other things.

The central point here is, if you need your boyfriend (a man, oh no!) to comfort you sometimes or one time a guy opened the door for you when you tried to get into a car by yourself goddamnit, it’s ok, you are not harming the progress of women everywhere.