To all the siblings out there, even though there are times you would happily watch your sibling escorted off to prison, or even solitary confinement on the Moon, all while sporting a sly smile, you have to admit that when push comes to shove (or when face comes to fist, depending on your relationship), siblings are the best. As little girls, my sister and I fought a lot. I'm sure our mom was ready to send my sister to Pluto and me to another solar system. But we also were really close. I looked up to my sister, I wanted to be her. I still do. I admire her strength, her beauty, her wisdom, her passions; I admire who she is. We have had our struggles over the years. In honor of her upcoming birthday, I am dedicating this article to the girl I aspired to be and now, the woman I aspire to be.
1. She knows you before you even know her.
If your sister is at least two years older than you, then she will most likely remember your mother being pregnant with you. In my sister's case, she remembers more details than most two-year-olds. The day I was born was the day her life changed, and I may pretentiously surmise that her life changed for the better because I was now in it. We have a family photo album of the day I was born and there is a picture of her hiding behind my grandmother because she was afraid of me; I don't blame her! In fact, I'd say that all you big sisters can agree that we little sisters can be terrifying creatures at times! Regardless, my sister spent a whole two years with me that I cannot remember because I was a baby. She knew what every look on my face meant, what every cry meant, she knew which stuffed animal I wanted to play with and each snack that I desired. She knew everything about me before I even knew her name.
2. She encourages you to use your imagination.
As children, my sister and I had two elaborate worlds in which our imaginations soared. The first world was the world of our impressive collection of stuffed animals. If I were to say that between the two of us, we had several hundred, I would not be lying or even exaggerating! We knew each animal's name and personality. We spent hours happily lining them up in a single-file line for various purposes and moving them forward one animal at a time. It never ceased to amaze my mother how we could be so entertained by that. She would sit on the couch, switching between reading and watching us play for hours and hours on end; we would only stop playing so that we could have a snack or because we need our mother to moderate an argument. Being older, she was automatically the boss and everything she said was so. But she was good; she let me be in charge once in a rare while! The second world of our imaginations was "The Herd". This, instead of stuffed animals, was plastic models of mostly horses but other animals ranging from penguins and dinosaurs to cats and more! We would create complicated scenarios and act them out with our hundred little figurines. We once created a zip line for the animals in the middle of the living room! Normally our mother would have been annoyed but she was so impressed she just let us keep playing! I still have flashbacks to those days, and I often wish that I could return to when my sister and I were little girls, just playing in our living room. Those days taught me to use my imagination, because life is better when you are free to create!
3. She teaches you how to love the outdoors.
We had a swing-set in out backyard that we loved to play on. I was always out there swinging as high as I could. As a little girl, I didn't know how to pump my legs when I was swinging. I always relied on a push from somebody. My sister taught me how to swing by myself. One day, it clicked and I was swinging just as high as her! I recall other times, in winter, when we would be bundled up in all of our snow gear, building snow forts and playing. We would slide across an ice patch in our yard, sled down a tiny hill next to our house, and try to chase each other in the yard, through a foot of snow. Those are the days that my heart aches for; it aches even more for this than the days of "The Herd" and the stuffed animals. It was those days of playing outside that I was free to run around and just be a child. I could scream and jump, I could laugh and attempt cartwheels over the grass. I could stare up at the Autumn leaves and wait for a gust of wind to make them gently tumble to the Earth so that I could chase after them in an effort to catch one before my sister did.
4. She teaches you how to be competitive.
When you have a sibling, everything is a competition and I mean EVERYTHING! From who can set the table faster, to who got the highest grades, to who could play violin better, to who could keep their room clean for longer, etc. Every single thing is a competition. It still is. Even as adults, we still compete in everything we do. It's absolutely obnoxious sometimes, but other times, its fun! I think any sibling can relate to that. A bit of healthy competition is friendly, especially as a maturing child. I usually lost against my sister in every situation, but on occasion I would win. That taught me that losing is okay as long as I did my best. Sometimes, your best just isn't good enough. It hurts, but it's true. My sister taught me to lose with dignity and acceptance and heart. That probably was one of the greater life lessons I learned from my sister. Now that I have grown up, I beat her in a lot of our competitions, but she still outdoes me most of the time!
5. She's a role model.
I remember just how much I wanted to be one of the "big kids" as a measly little six-year-old. I looked up to the older girls because I thought that they were cool. I remember being in second grade and my sister won the school spelling bee; she was in fourth grade at the time. When I was in fourth grade, I also had the opportunity to participate in the school spelling bee.... I got out on my first word. "B-A-G-L-E". Of course, that's not exactly how to spell that little breakfast food that is the 'healthier version of a donut'. It is spelled, bagel. I was heart broken. It doesn't matter how much you want to be like your big sister. I always copied everything she did until I was about five. After that, I still wanted to be her. That didn't matter. I couldn't be like her because I am not her. I wasn't then, I'm not now, and I'll never be her. This was a time in my life that I realized that my sister did things that I could never do. She accomplished things that I could never wish to. I took a step back and realized that, she was only being herself. If she could be herself and do all these great things, then maybe I could do something great too if I stopped trying to be like her. That is how she was a role model. I learned that I am me and not any one else. I should act the way I think is right, and believe in what I think is true.
6. You always have someone to talk to.
Chances are, if you have an older sister, she has experienced many parts of life before you. She went to school first, she grew up first, she experienced life first. She did everything, mostly, first. While it can be tough as a younger sibling to think that you can't do anything great because you are stuck in the shadow of your older sister, there are plenty of positives. No one is watching you as closely, so you have more room to make mistakes. You have witnessed your sister do something, and you now know what the positive or negative consequences of that action is. The best thing about having a sister in this situation is that, she is there to give you advice. Most of the time she wants to, and sometimes she will, even you don't want to hear it. That's because she cares about you and wants the best for you. She is willing to talk about anything, and help you in the best way that she knows. You can count on her to try and answer your every question.
7. You have a shoulder to cry on.
Life is hard sometimes. No matter what, you can count on your big sister being a should to cry on. She will sit there and listen you, give you advice, or she will just sit there in silence with you and hold you because you need someone to wrap their arms around you. She won't judge you or laugh at you. She will be empathetic and do her best to understand what you are going through. She'll even let you snuggle with her for the night if you don't want to be alone.
8. You have a partner in crime.
Sometimes you fight, but sometimes, you fight as a team... against your mother. Whether it be taking all of the pots and pans out of your Lazy-Susan and creating a drum set, hitting each pan with a wooden spoon, causing your mother to come flying into the room, hair disheveled because of this mid-afternoon nap disturbing commotion, or you stage a sit down strike because neither of you likes to set the table, you always have somebody to cause mayhem with. It never ends! As children, we would do all sorts of crazy things. We still enjoy playing practical jokes on our mother, usually ending with our mother rolling her eyes, shaking her head, and taking a large sip of wine from her wine glass. Over winter break, we put post it notes on the walls behind the faucets, indicating which side was hot water and which side was cold water. You always have a partner to create inside jokes with. We do this all the time and have secret conversations that are about the weather, but our mother thinks that they are about her! It's the small things in life that can be the most meaningful at the end of the day.
9. You have a protector.
There is a stereotype in society about having an older brother who is over-protective of his younger sister. But older sisters can be that way too. My sister is ready to fight wars for me. She is willing to do almost anything for me to make sure that I am okay, and that nobody ever hurts me. Sometimes, it can be annoying. But most of the time, it's wonderful! It's wonderful to know that there is somebody in you life who loves you unconditionally and is prepared to do whatever it takes you ensure your happiness. My sister would drive to my college in a heart beat if I ever needed her. She would travel across continents and she would have Scotty beam her to the bridge of my vessel if I ever found myself on the edge of Klingon territory.
10. You have a best friend for life.
She shares a good amount of your DNA anyways, so you might as well be friends. Sisters have an emotional connection that is unheard of in other relationships. It's as if your DNA is more than physical, it is emotional. I can't count the number of times that my sister and I have said the exact same thing at the same time. I can't tell you the number of times that we end up wearing the same or similar outfits, sing the same songs, want to watch the same move... the list goes on and on, just like our love for each other. Yeah, we fight, but that's not all we do. We have fun, we talk, we dance, we go out for adventures. She is the one friend in my life that I know for sure is permanent. She is somebody who understands me. She is somebody who watches out for me and helps me. She is the person who I can turn to whenever I need something, no matter what that something is. We can go weeks without talking, but the second we talk, it is as if the conversation never stopped. She is motivation and my strength. I wouldn't change having her as my sister for the world. My sister is my best friend. I can't ask for anything better than that.
To all of you out there who have a sibling, you know that sibling bonds can take on many different forms. In my case, I have the most amazing sister who I wish the absolute best for because she deserves nothing less. As the little sister of the family, I got to watch her grow up knowing that one day, I would go through some of the same challenges as her. Having her in my life is something that I am beyond blessed for. There are times that I dislike her, of course! But no matter the situation, in my heart, I will always love her and I will always want her. Perhaps even more importantly than that, I will always need her.
Jenn, thank you for putting up with me! You are incredible, beautiful, intelligent and I could't ask for a better sister. I love you!
