Life is a constant battle between selflessness and selfishness. We are taught to be selfless, to put other's before yourself and to give more than receive. I love this idea. I love to serve, to give, to help. However, I do not believe that it is always wrong to be selfish. There are indeed times when you have to put yourself first. I looked up the definitions of these two words, and I did not wholeheartedly agree with them.
self·less ˈselfləs (adjective); concerned more with the needs and wishes of others than with one's own; unselfish.
self·ish ˈselfiSH (adjective) (of a person, action, or motive); lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.
Selfish has such a negative connotation, but everyone has their selfish moments. You have to take care of yourself, sometimes, and that's okay. In friendships or romantic relationships, there are times when it is better to let go than to hold on. There are times when it is better to move on than to dwell on what went wrong. I've been told that these are selfish moments or moments of quitting. I strongly disagree. If taking care of myself and removing unhealthy relationships is selfish, then let me be selfish.
I love to serve, give, and help, but I have to be sure that I am in a happy and healthy point in my life to ensure that I can effectively do those things. Does that make sense? I simply have to take care of myself first sometimes. I love to see others be impacted in a positive way because of something I have said or done. There's no better feeling. Then again, I hesitate, because what if I am making myself unhappy or unsatisfied by putting others first?
Say your friend tells you they have a crush on you. Are you going to lead them on because you feel bad if you turn them down? Are you going to ignore the chance you have with the person you actually like because you don't want to hurt your friend's feelings if they see you with someone else? No.
Would you stay friends with the girl who stole your boyfriend? No, probably not. These moments are not moments of quitting. They are moments of realizing what is best for you and not settling for anything less. There's a point between being forgiving and being taken advantage of, and I think that's the line that's most important to look out for. It's not selfish to cut ties with someone who is taking advantage of your forgiveness.
I want the best for my friends, family, and even strangers around me. I would love to see everyone succeed and live a happy, loving life. I want the same things for myself, and I feel like it's okay to put myself first sometimes in order to achieve it. I realize that not everyone agrees with my thinking, and that's fine. I just hope you realize that you have to take care of yourself. You can't just settle and let people have their way because you feel guilty or don't want to upset them. You will be miserable if you put your happiness second all of the time.
I suppose the hardest part is finding a balance between selflessness and selfishness. You have to be the judge when it comes to what's best for you and when a relationship is no longer healthy in your life. I wish you the best of luck, and I wish a happy and healthy life upon you. Don't be scared to think of yourself and what you need. There are surely people out there who need more help than you, but that doesn't mean that you can ignore the help you need sometimes. Be selfish once in a while, and see where it takes you.
