Like most of the 18-19 year olds I know, this last August I embarked on a new and exciting chapter of life. College. I was SOO looking forward to everything it would bring, new friends, new experiences, and growth! And I got all of those things, but I also got some things that I really didn't want or enjoy like sadness, heartache, and many a tear-filled nights. 

My first month was great, I moved into the dorms, got along great with my roommates, had so much encouragement and support from my loved ones at home. I really felt like this was going to work! However a little over a month into it I had my first huge breakdown. I was attending a concert by myself, and I couldn't get over the crippling feeling of loneliness and isolation that I was feeling because the only people who I felt cared or wanted to be around me were seven hours away. So I called my mom, packed my bags, and left for a weekend at home the very next day.

After a refreshing weekend with the most important people in my life I felt ready to go back and make the most out of my opportunities. And I did great for a while! However like before, things slowly got worse again. I was miserable, not enjoying my classes, never having anything to do and just counting down the days until I could go home for break again. I hated my life so much at school and couldn't figure out what had gone wrong.

Now I know what you're probably thinking, first semester of freshman year is always the hardest, and that I should just stick it out and power through because it will get better!! You're probably just homesick like everyone else! And you know for a while I thought the same thing, I thought that maybe I just wasn't adjusted yet and that if I gave it a few more months I would become happier and life would be great. However, things weren't getting better, in fact things were getting more and more rough and I was feeling more and more beaten down and depressed.

I went home for Thanksgiving break determined to use my week at home to figure things out and to make a decision of wether or not I wanted to stay. After hours upon hours of conversation with my parents and friends I came to the conclusion that I should stay because that's what everyone wanted and I didn't want to feel like a failure or a cop-out by leaving. I made plans with everyone on how I was going to handle the next six months and I felt confident in what was to come.

Fast forward to the moment I stepped back on campus that Monday after Thanksgiving. I automatically felt this heavy weight on my shoulders knowing I had agreed to spend another half of a year in a place that wasn't making me happy. After countless phone calls, counseling sessions, and sleepless nights, I made the decision to transfer back home, to do something for the good of my mental health and my happiness. And let me tell you, it was the best decision I could have made. After realizing that the only reason I wanted to stay was to make everyone else in my life happy I was able to think more clearly about what I wanted and what was going to make me happy. Being somewhere that is familiar, with people that care about me is what I want and what will help me be happier.

I advocated for myself and I hope everyone out there can do the same. Advocate for your happiness and your well being, even if it goes against the grain of what society and what others want from you.