I’ve tried to tell you my “Me Too” story too many times to count. It’s been given different titles, certain details have been put in and taken away, but I can never finish it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not because I don’t think it sounds any good. That’s not the case at all.
The truth is, I’m just not ready to give my “Me Too” to the world right now.
Like most women, over the course of my life, I’ve experienced multiple instances of sexual harassment, catcalling, you name it. Sure, I could throw one of those into a Tweet with the hashtag #MeToo. I could lie to the world and say that any one of those minor experiences was the most severe. But the point of the “Me Too” movement isn’t to lie. So I won’t.
I won’t BS my “Me Too” because none of those little experiences have affected me quite like this. It happened a little over a year ago but still feels so fresh in my mind. The impact was so severe, I spent the majority of my freshman year of college as a basket case hiding in my dorm from the monster who lived down the hall. I still freeze up when I see the boys (not men, BOYS) who partook in the situation. It has erased my trust in the male population altogether. I am awestruck by the amount of fear that has bored its way inside me, even though I tell people I’m not afraid of anything. At this point, I can’t imagine living with anything worse than this situation I’m trying to overcome. It physically hurts to even think about it...let alone talk about it.
I may have lived to tell the tale, but that doesn’t mean I’m mentally prepared to tell it yet.
But this doesn’t mean I don’t love and support the “Me Too” movement. When I read the #MeToo hashtag on Twitter, I am reminded that I am not alone. The bravery these people, men and women alike, have shown in telling their stories gives me strength. I think to myself: “if they can feel empowered from their experiences, so can I.” And I truly do want to become empowered from this. I feel myself toughen up every day, even when I look down at my shoes while passing him on the street or wake up in a cold sweat because he showed up in a nightmare. Getting past it, if you will, is indisputably strengthening. I feel it every day. But I’m just not ready to share my story yet.
No one needs a reason to NOT share my “Me Too.”
To tell or not to tell a story like that simply isn’t an argument worth having. When you share your story, it needs to be for you, not for those who took advantage of you. When you have been a victim of sexual harassment, or any other sex-related crime for that matter, you learn very quickly that YOU are your greatest asset. You deserve everything the world has to offer, and sometimes you have to be the one to go after it. This goes for credit, protection, self-worth, success, confidence, and, most importantly, respect.
Whether your “Me Too” is too painful, too soon, or too complicated to talk about, it shouldn’t matter. This movement may seek to empower, but it’s not something you, as a survivor, are obligated to participate in. Sexual harassment isn’t trendy, so giving up your story shouldn’t be. Your time to raise your voice will come, and so will mine.
And when I am ready to tell the world, I will. You will hear it, and you will hear it loud and clear.
