Yes, I Fear I'll Always Be Alone, But I Will Not Be Cuffed This Season Or Any Season

Yes, I Fear I'll Always Be Alone, But I Will Not Be Cuffed This Season Or Any Season

While love seems like the dream, I will not fabricate it out of the next man that walks into my life for the sake of solving my ever puzzling loneliness.

126
views

I have been single for longer than I have ever been with someone. It is easy to say I have known loneliness probably more of it that most of my friends. With that said most of my friends are the kind of people who are never alone romantically speaking. Most of them don't understand what it is like to stand on your own and not reach for a hand to hold or to feel like the last cracked pringle at the bottom of the aluminum cylinder. I mean it's not like I always feel like a sad lonely chip that you'll never finish eating. I mean I understand what I am missing, yes, that does create a lonely ebb every now and then but I think that maybe my friends that are always in a new relationship are far more lonely than me.

I am not saying that I don't long for love. I do. I want to love and be loved so badly that I have found it in the wrong faces and have made believe for too long in those relationships that I was not happy throughout most of them. They had to end. When they ended the lonely was as deep as a Grand Canyon shaped hole in the center of my heart. It hurt. I think that everyone feels that at some point some people just don't know how to fill the hole with self-love. So they "cuff" and not just in cuffing season. People do it all the time and never really find their own sense of self. I am not saying this as the angry single girl.

I am saying this as the lonely single girl who wants love however...knows she cannot keep forcing it into her heart. You can't force-feed something like love. If you could everyone would be happy and nothing would ever hurt. It's not like when you were little and played dolls that fell in love with whichever version of Ken was finer at the time. Life is not like dolls in which you can conjure up happiness and have dreams fulfilled in a two-hour sitting or less. Neither is loving someone else or your self. It doesn't take a month or two to learn how to love yourself or figure out who you are and what your goals are. It takes time and I have found that unless you know who that person is as a singular entity you can't really learn how to grow with someone else.

I love my friends. I find them adventurous, hilarious, and well my closest friends. Some of them just have this tendency to need someone. Once they have that someone they fall hard and fast and it ends pretty soon after that and it all repeats as the next one comes around. A few of them find ways to prolong the inevitable by agreeing and agreeing in order to make someone happy. However, along the way, they wind up making themselves sink into a different kind of Grand Canyon-sized hole. I wish for them to find self-fulfillment unfeathered by their someones. I know I cannot change them any more than I can change myself. You see we all have deep fears. I fear that I will never find a soulmate and live with that just uncuffed.

While they must fear the very same thing and give into that fear. I am not heroic by any sense or higher than thou because I do not allow myself to sink into whatever hand fits best or wants mine at the moment. I am waiting for that right someone, I am waiting for that Godly man, I am waiting for that someone whose crazy matches mine, I am waiting. I am waiting openly for that person. However much that may scare me I will live my life while I wait. I'll go to the movies alone, go to the grocery store and work, I'll be myself and discover just who that person is and I think I will be better for that. So while I have feared this year I will not just partner up for the sake of partnering up.

Popular Right Now

Don't Leave Your Friends Hanging Just To Hang With Your Significant Other

Your friendships matter just as much as your romantic relationships.

719
views

It happens to all of us. You meet someone who makes your stomach burst with butterflies and suddenly he/she is all you can think about. This person slowly becomes the first one you think to tell about your day, the one you send funny memes to, the one you call when you're upset, the one you invite to dinner or on a road trip with your family. It's very easy to get swept up in a relationship and want to spend all of your time with that person. This is perfectly normal and honestly a great thing!

But you have to remember the people who filled those spots in your life before.

Don't forget the friend who was your go-to brunch date or the friend you'd text right away to tell a story to. The friend who has seen you at your best and worst. The friend who encouraged you to date this person in the first place.

The friend who is waiting by the phone and wondering why you never think to reach out anymore.

You have to remember who was there for you from the beginning. It's okay to spend most of your time with your significant other if that's what you want, but too often people forget their friends once they enter a relationship and leave them feeling neglected. Your plans with them get pushed back for dates with your sweetheart and they start to feel like you don't care about them anymore. But it doesn't have to be like that.

You can make time for everyone — you just have to try.

It's healthy to have relationships independent of your boyfriend or girlfriend. And those relationships need just as much nurture and care as your romantic ones! If you don't treat your friends right, who will be there if something goes wrong in your relationship? It may be a pessimistic view, but if things don't work out and you've alienated everyone else, who will you have left?

But much more than that, you should want to keep your friends close.

They will support you in your relationship and remind you of your worth. They will give you advice and supply you with much-needed girl or guy time. Don't take that for granted. You need time with your friends.

And remember, platonic love is just as wonderful as romantic love.

So the next time you meet someone who makes your heart soar, spend as much time with them as you want! But don't abandon the people who've stuck by you. Show them you love them too.

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

It's Time To Challenge 'You Complete Me' Culture

Your partner should be your companion, not your completion!

pmterch
pmterch
1119
views

After having some time to reflect after "The Bachelor" finale, I think this is the perfect time to put this article out there. In this article, I want to offer you a different perspective on how to view relationships. I want to challenge you to defy cultural assumptions of what romance is and shine a light on how codependency can squash your happiness.

The puzzle analogy

In wedding vows or proclamations of love, we often hear the phrase, "You complete me." We compare finding our person to finding the missing piece of the puzzle in our lives. Once we place that puzzle piece in the empty hole, we can finally see the beautiful and complete picture. Without that piece, we would be in a frenzy, searching all around under the kitchen table and on everyone's chairs to see if we find it. We desperately hope the dog, or the baby, hasn't eaten it. We hold out hope.

This comparison, as I have found, has created quite an issue in our modern day society. We are so obsessed with finding that missing piece in our lives to complete us that we often search in the wrong places or live in unending frustration. Sometimes we find a perfectly wonderful person, but they seem to lack everything on our checklists of what we have deemed as the perfect missing piece, so we let them go. If you are one of the lucky ones who has found a person who fills the void in your life, you often try to shove them into the puzzle as hard as you can and force them to fit. You need to be filled; you need to have the beauty of the final picture — without it, how could you ever be completely happy?

Where did I go wrong?

I was riding along in the car with my boyfriend when I realized we had hit a rough patch. We are a long distance couple — going to separate colleges four hours away from each other — but we only live two minutes away from each other when we are back at home.

I had never had a boyfriend before my second semester of senior year. I had always been very independent. I moved a lot, which meant anytime I got close to dating someone, POOF, there I went. But, this time I had finally stayed and found an amazing guy — my best friend.

When I was single, I was the queen of relationship advice (as we all are when we are not blinded by rose-colored romance). Finally being in a relationship made me realize how easy it was to fall into habits that I had always scorned others for. I began letting this relationship affect me in ways I never even suspected it could.

Don't get me wrong, this was not his doing at all. My boyfriend is the sweetest guy I know. He is always lifting me up and supporting me to reach my dreams. While we both struggle with anxiety and depression, we have found a way to always put our individual mental health first. My boyfriend had dated people before me, but I had not. This altered expectations of what this relationship was supposed to look like for each of us. He knew what mistakes to try to stay away from, while I was still trying to figure it out.

How to reframe your perspective in relationships

Regardless of my background, I think I have stumbled on the most amazing way of reframing perspective in relationships. Once I started changing the lens on how I looked at our relationship, we started bickering less and I became so much happier.

Here it is: your significant other is your COMPANION, not your COMPLETION.

Of course, you should feel happy and enjoy when your partner is around. They should treat you with care and make you laugh, but they should not be the person filling the empty piece of your heart — that isn't their responsibility. They should not be the ultimate source of happiness that makes you feel emotionally whole. This perspective is extremely unhealthy because people are fickle and we make mistakes. We screw up . . . all the time. Our culture loves to use the phrase, "You complete me." It sounds extremely romantic. However, it can be so problematic.

Now, when I spend time or communicate with my boyfriend, I see it as a lucky bonus we get after we both have spent time improving ourselves that day. When I text him, I don't expect him to reply to me immediately — even though I still wish he would because of the need for instant gratification, let's be real. I know that he is going after his dreams by working as hard as he can to make a life for himself. As a girlfriend, not only should I commend him for that, but I should also give him the space to do that. Likewise, I should go after my dreams and work as hard as I can to achieve them.

Your partner should be the fun blanket you have on top of your comforter. You would be just as warm without the blanket and still get a good nights sleep, but the blanket is still really fuzzy and gives you extra joy and you can wrap it around you while you are watching tv. And, if it is a really cold and stormy night, perhaps you snuggle up with your blanket and hold it tightly for a little extra warmth and comfort.

I am a believer in God, and I believe his holy spirit makes me whole. Regardless of if you share this belief or not, I think we can all agree that we are all supposed to walk through life together and lift each other up. If we expect to put our happiness and worth on the shoulders of one person, then that relationship is going to crumble. Why would you want the person you love most to crumble? I certainly don't. I want to be able to look my partner in the eyes and say, "I love you and I want to stand by you when you need me. When you don't, I will be okay because I am still whole and fulfilled".

pmterch
pmterch

Related Content

Facebook Comments