Though I fear being alone I will not be cuffed this season

Yes, I Fear I'll Always Be Alone, But I Will Not Be Cuffed This Season Or Any Season

While love seems like the dream, I will not fabricate it out of the next man that walks into my life for the sake of solving my ever puzzling loneliness.

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I have been single for longer than I have ever been with someone. It is easy to say I have known loneliness probably more of it that most of my friends. With that said most of my friends are the kind of people who are never alone romantically speaking. Most of them don't understand what it is like to stand on your own and not reach for a hand to hold or to feel like the last cracked pringle at the bottom of the aluminum cylinder. I mean it's not like I always feel like a sad lonely chip that you'll never finish eating. I mean I understand what I am missing, yes, that does create a lonely ebb every now and then but I think that maybe my friends that are always in a new relationship are far more lonely than me.

I am not saying that I don't long for love. I do. I want to love and be loved so badly that I have found it in the wrong faces and have made believe for too long in those relationships that I was not happy throughout most of them. They had to end. When they ended the lonely was as deep as a Grand Canyon shaped hole in the center of my heart. It hurt. I think that everyone feels that at some point some people just don't know how to fill the hole with self-love. So they "cuff" and not just in cuffing season. People do it all the time and never really find their own sense of self. I am not saying this as the angry single girl.

I am saying this as the lonely single girl who wants love however...knows she cannot keep forcing it into her heart. You can't force-feed something like love. If you could everyone would be happy and nothing would ever hurt. It's not like when you were little and played dolls that fell in love with whichever version of Ken was finer at the time. Life is not like dolls in which you can conjure up happiness and have dreams fulfilled in a two-hour sitting or less. Neither is loving someone else or your self. It doesn't take a month or two to learn how to love yourself or figure out who you are and what your goals are. It takes time and I have found that unless you know who that person is as a singular entity you can't really learn how to grow with someone else.

I love my friends. I find them adventurous, hilarious, and well my closest friends. Some of them just have this tendency to need someone. Once they have that someone they fall hard and fast and it ends pretty soon after that and it all repeats as the next one comes around. A few of them find ways to prolong the inevitable by agreeing and agreeing in order to make someone happy. However, along the way, they wind up making themselves sink into a different kind of Grand Canyon-sized hole. I wish for them to find self-fulfillment unfeathered by their someones. I know I cannot change them any more than I can change myself. You see we all have deep fears. I fear that I will never find a soulmate and live with that just uncuffed.

While they must fear the very same thing and give into that fear. I am not heroic by any sense or higher than thou because I do not allow myself to sink into whatever hand fits best or wants mine at the moment. I am waiting for that right someone, I am waiting for that Godly man, I am waiting for that someone whose crazy matches mine, I am waiting. I am waiting openly for that person. However much that may scare me I will live my life while I wait. I'll go to the movies alone, go to the grocery store and work, I'll be myself and discover just who that person is and I think I will be better for that. So while I have feared this year I will not just partner up for the sake of partnering up.

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Not Being Attracted To Another Race Doesn't (Necessarily) Make You Racist

And on the flip-side, being more attracted to one race doesn't (necessarily) mean you're fetishizing them.

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From the get-go I want you to know that I acknowledge that this is an unpopular opinion, but it is a strong one of mine that I would like to voice. Please don't get offended if my opinions differ from yours, that's life, deal with it!

I'm sure you've noticed, either within yourself, someone close to you, or someone not so close to you but who you pay attention to their love life anyway for whatever reason, that they tend to date certain types of people. And no, I'm not talking about the idea of having a "type," which I tend to disagree with fundamentally because if you lined up all my exes I don't think they would look similar enough to support the idea. I'm actually talking about race here.

For example, I tend to date white people, but I have dated people of other races, and I will probably continue to as well. I just tend to be more attracted to people who fit my racial category than anyone else, and that's okay. I'm not averse to dating people of other races, I just haven't found myself attracted to people who fit those racial categories. In these cases, I'm not dating that specific person because I am not attracted to that specific person, not because I'm not attracted to people of their race.

Where this kind of situation becomes not okay and does turn into racism is when someone is attracted to someone of a certain race but specifically won't date them because of it. I knew a couple of people like this in high school and in college and whether they realized it or not, they were being blatantly racist for no apparent reason. Hence, I have inserted the keyword "necessarily" into the title of this article. Does it make sense now?

How about on the flip-side. If someone tends to only date one race or is mostly attracted to people of a single race, it doesn't mean they're racist in that respect either. They may be in the same boat as the first side. Anyway, in some situations, people do fetishize a certain race or fetishize being with someone of that race, especially if it differs from their own. Seeing as there seems to be a fetish for everything nowadays, we shouldn't be surprised necessarily, but that also doesn't excuse it from being racist.

Another important factor in these ideas is who you are exposed to most. If you are a white person in a majorly white neighborhood or state or whatever size area and you stay in that general area for most of your life, you're more likely to end up being attracted to, dating, and probably marrying someone of your same race just because those are the people you interact with. No racism needs to exist for the outcome to be the same.

We need to learn to separate a person from his or her race. Race does not define a person unless they want it to. But a person's race isn't the only thing someone else will be attracted to. Get it out of your heads that it is.

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I'm Learning To Appreciate Low Key Dates As Much As Fancy Ones

My boyfriend once told me he considered Taco Bell drive thrus and funny Youtube video binges dates, and I didn't really appreciate that until recently.

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When I was little, I had really grand ideas of romance and friendship. Older kids went on big fancy dates, with cute dresses, flowers, and spontaneous situations. When I came to be that age though, the idea of fancy dates became kind of lost on me, but I still liked the idea of big fancy dates if the opportunity ever arose. I'm one of those people who loves to create grand expectations for themselves, builds situations and ideas up before they even happen.

However, as I've grown up, started earning my own income, and learned to appreciate the person more than the setting, I've learned to appreciate the cheap, low effort dates for what they are, time with a person you care about a lot, with the added bonus of more money staying in your pocket.

My boyfriend and I are long distance, so a lot of our dates are just eating dinner together over Facebook video call and attempting to synchronize funny Youtube videos we can laugh at together. We don't get a lot of opportunities to see each other in person during the school year, so we try to make the best out of what we have. As much as I love the fancy parts of dressing up and trying new foods that come with what I guess would be considered more traditional dates, I feel more comfortable and relaxed with our low effort, low budget video call dates. A lot of that has translated into us being more comfortable around one another, something that definitely adds to our dynamic when we are around each other.

When we are together, we like to plan these big fancy dates, but we don't always follow through. Sometimes, having no plan is more fun than sticking to one for the whole day, and figuring out fun stuff to do together. Overall, it just seems like spontaneity helps us try new things and avoid just doing the same old movie date we like to do whenever we see each other.

My boyfriend recently told me he considers anytime we've gone to Taco Bell together a date, and we go there together a lot. At first, I thought this was silly, but then I thought of the drives we go on after or the times we've just sat there, eating and talking without having to yell over a hundred other conversations. Nothing means more to me than honest and open communication and discussion, so it started to make sense to me that we would consider all these drive-thru runs dates. We always seem to come away from them knowing a little more about the other person. Even if the food isn't exactly Michelin star quality, the relationship definitely is.

As a romantic person, I love dates of all kinds, but in finally learning to embrace drive-thru dates, I've remembered what the whole point of a date is. A date isn't for the cute, aesthetic stories, or a reason to get dressed up (even though I really like that part).

The whole point of a date is to get to know the person better.

Even though I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half, there's still a lot about him I have yet to know, and I feel like there's no better setting for that then when we're at our most comfortable. And sitting on our beds two states away from each other on Facebook video chat, or stuffing our faces with cheap fast food in a parked car in front of my hometown's lake seem like pretty comfortable places if you ask me.

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