Shhh calm down, I know what you're thinking, I know it's weird that I don't consume my body weight in coffee every waking minute of my day. I promise that even though I suffer from this incredible disadvantage I make it through every day with a smile on my face.

Alright, hopefully, you got the satirical nature of that opening, the truth is I don't like coffee and that is okay. I can't even tell you how many times people have given me the side eye when I order non-coffee options at Starbucks or the weird looks I get when I pass up a coffee date. Truth is, I can't stand even the smell of that murky bean water.

In case you were wondering (I'm sure you weren't) there isn't an agreed upon the first appearance of coffee. It's been around basically forever. This I really do not understand. How does nobody remember when we started mining tree beans and figuring out they can be juiced? Myth typically agrees that a goatherd noticed his goats getting all hyped after eating coffee beans, so naturally, he decided to eat them. Seems logical, of course.

The point is, coffee is so weird and I almost guarantee I am not the only person who's ever thought of this. I am certainly not the only person who doesn't like coffee, and I am 100 percent certain that there are many other beverage options that are less expensive and better for you. Long story short, coffee kind of sucks and every coffee-disliker and I would really appreciate you not looking at us weird when we would rather drink water.