I sit here writing this on a rainy Sunday, having gotten home not too long ago from grocery shopping with my mom. When we got to the cash register check out line, the lady in front of us said something insensitive and impolite to the cashier that upset me and got me thinking about how people often perceive quietness to equal rudeness.

Before saying anything else to him, she said, "Do you not talk to your customers?" She had barely even given him much of a chance to speak up at that point, too. He then told her that he was ill and preferred to not talk to customers when he wasn't feeling well. She then said, with the same tone and facial expression as before, "Oh that's fine you don't have to talk [to me] when you don't feel good. I just want you to speak."

I know some people find it rude when people don't talk, but I personally don't typically find it impolite unless it is a situation in which the person is not responding. As someone who is both more introverted than extroverted and chronically ill, I often prefer to stay quiet, and I do not like when people just assume that my lack of words is me being rude, impolite, or just generally in a bad mood. To me, someone making that assumption is far more rude than simply not having something to say, or just not wanting to talk in that moment. I have never understood why people who are very loud and talkative are never put down for being that way, yet those of us who have a quieter nature are often made fun of or questioned for why we are "so quiet" or why we "don't talk enough".

Quiet isn't rude. While sometimes that may be the case, most often it is just that someone has nothing to say, or doesn't feel like talking, or as in the case I mentioned above, is not feeling well and just wants to be quiet. I am tired of so many people being quick to jump to the conclusion that when a person is being quiet they must be upset, angry, impolite, having a bad day, etc. I can understand if it is contrary to their nature or if they have any sort of body language or facial expression that leads you to believe something is wrong. But if someone is just quiet, just let them be quiet. You do not have to make a comment about how you think their silence is disrespectful or discourteous. Saying something like that is just as rude as, if not more rude than, you believe their quietness is.

The main reason this encounter bothered me is because the lady spoke only thinking of herself and not at all of the cashier. She didn't ask out of concern if he was being quiet because something was wrong, she just said she wanted him to talk for her sake. Even after he said he wasn't feeling well and preferred not to talk, very politely, she still pushed him to talk and not remain quiet. She was very insensitive to what he needed in that moment and only cared about herself.

Though the conversations I have had with people in which they have brought up my quiet nature have usually not involved the other person being as unkind as this woman was, the experiences feel similar in that the other person seems so focused only on himself/herself, wanting to carry on a conversation, not really caring about how I feel or if I feel like talking or if I even have anything to say. Oftentimes I just do not have anything in mind to say, and I am not one to talk unless I actually have something to say. I don't like being pushed into conversations, much of the time I would honestly be okay with just sitting with someone in silence, not talking at all or very little. I don't need to have a ton of conversing all the time with people. I feel disrespected when people try to get me to talk when I don't have anything to say, because then there is an unbelievable amount of pressure put on me to try and come up with something to say that actually makes sense and is relevant to the conversation. I just prefer to talk when I am ready and have something I genuinely want to say, not because someone is trying to force me to contribute to a conversation.

I just wish people would be more understanding to those of us who are quiet-natured and don't talk as much as others. Simply because we are quiet does not at all mean we are rude or impolite or disrespectful, and bringing up the fact that we are quiet and that we "should talk more" or "be more social" is actually very rude, impolite, and disrespectful. Just as people who talk often are not typically berated for doing so, those of us who prefer generally to stay calm should receive the same respect when we choose to not talk, no matter how badly you want us to talk.