When I was a child, growing up on fairy tales and quixotic ideas, I was always intrigued by the notion that some Prince Charming or knight in shining armor was going to ride in on his white horse and sweep me off my feet. I was taught to believe that I was a damsel in distress waiting for someone to slay the dragon and rescue me from my tower. To me, having someone save the day was the ultimate romantic gesture.

But that’s where I had it all wrong.

That’s where all those books, movies, poems, and songs had it all completely wrong.

As I progressed on through high school, that dragon turned into serious real-life problems. They began to get worse until it got to the point of anxiety and depression. I kept telling myself to stay alive and remain strong just in case life gets better. And it did. However, it was during this time that I had a major epiphany: I was on my own. In the end, no one can save me, but myself.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

The thing about saving yourself is that it requires love. That’s it.

You have to love yourself in order to even care enough to save yourself. You have to want to better yourself as a person, because in all honesty, no one else will do that for you. And it’s not because they don’t care for you or because they don’t love you. They do, actually. A lot more than you know. But it’s because they have to save themselves too.

You are the most important person in your life. You are the main character.

You have to be your first priority. Your own hero.

Every single person on this planet has their own personal demons. Each one unique and distinct from the other. Whatever they may be, don’t let them win.

It doesn’t have to be some huge grand action; it can be as simple and heroic as getting up in the morning and eating breakfast. You don’t always have to win the big wars, just the little battles are enough.

I know it can be hard to endure certain struggles and some days, you really do feel like giving up. But I’ve also know that it’s best to take it one day at a time. Just look at the next 24 hours ahead and picture where you want to be in that amount of time. Don’t think long-term because you’ll only get anxious. I promise you will get where you want to be, little by little.

Too often in society nowadays, we romanticize the idea of being broken. There are books and movies out there, especially teen/young adults ones that idolize sadness and heartbreak. Don’t listen. Don’t listen to writers who tell you there’s something fascinating and mysterious about being troubled. We like to believe that someone will come along, see our shattered pieces, and assemble them back together in a perfect whole.

Let me tell you something.

That’s not going to happen. No one is going to come across a mess and think to themselves, “Wow. That’s beautiful.” Hell, you’re not even going to think it’s beautiful.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that you should block out every single person who comes to your aide because there are amazing people out there who do genuinely care for you. But ultimately, it is your own choice to get better. You have to want it. The best anyone can do is stand by your side and remain supportive.

Understand that no one can change you or who you are, but they can still love you unconditionally.

In fact, this reminds me of a quote I saw once that went along the lines of, “I don’t need you to fix me. I need you to hold my hand while I fix myself.”

So forget the fairy tales. Write your own heroic story; you don’t need anyone else to do it for you. Whatever you may be going through, you can prevail and you will.

You can slay the dragon and set yourself free from that tower. You are the only person truly in control of your happiness.

The bad news: no one is going to save you.

The good news: you can save yourself.