You might think that New Year's resolutions are great. They hold us accountable, help set goals, and push us to be better. Unfortunately, I don't like them. Don't get me wrong, there are some people out there that set meaningful resolutions and follow them throughout the year. If you're one of those people, then congratulations! I respect you immensely. But to be completely honest, most people aren't those kinds of people. Yes, it's great that you're at least attempting to better yourself, but who says that you have to wait until the new year to make a change? Why don't you make a change when the timing is right for you?

Maybe you didn't meet your goal because of bad timing or maybe it's just because you gave up. Regardless of the reason, I'm tired of these generic goals being set at the beginning of each year just for them to fizzle out after a few months.


1) "I'm going to start eating better."

No one cares about your disgusting salad, Karen.

2) "I have workouts planned and I'm going to exercise regularly."

Yeah, let's see how long that daily Kayla Workout lasts for you.

3) "I'm going to stop going out so much."

We all know you can't resist free cover and vodka cranberries.

4) "It's time that I prioritize my studies and get better grades."

C's get degrees.

5) "I'm going to stop procrastinating."

You say this as you binge watch another episode of The Office.

6) "I'll start applying for internships."

You. Are. Lying.

7) "I need to make sleeping a priority. I'm going to get 8 hours of sleep a night."

You at 3am:

8) "I'll stop being so negative."

Alright Negative Nancy, whatever you say.

9) "I'm going to stop being so messy and get more organized."

You haven't done the dishes in 11 days.

10) "I'm going to settle down and get into a relationship.

Sit down, cuffing season is over.

11) "It's time that I go through my closet and get rid of things I don't need."

You never know if you'll need that shirt for a special occasion.

12) "I'll put my phone/computer down and get off social media. I need to enjoy real life conversations."

But did you see what Black Chyna tweeted about Rob?

13) "I'm going to tell people how I feel."

No, just no.

14) "This year, I'm going to travel more."

Please tell me how you'll be funding these trips.

15) "I'm going to start dressing nicer."

Actually, you're going to wear leggings everyday.

16) "I'm going to save my money."

You're a broke college student getting paid minimum wage.

17) "It's time that I let go of old grudges and forgive the people who did me wrong."

No, you're still mad.

18) "I need to appreciate the people in my life and tell them how much they mean to me."

Let me know when you accomplish that.

19) "I'm saying goodbye to soda."

So you're just going to drink vodka waters? Seems great.

20) "I'm cutting him off. I'm done trying to contact him."

You after one day:

21) "I'm going to apologize to everyone I've hurt in my life."

Just kidding.

22) I'll start taking more risks and start being more spontaneous."

Dang, you must be like REALLY reckless.

23) "I'm going to stop watching so much TV."

You weren't saying that when you watched 8 episodes of Game of Thrones last night.

24) "I'm going to learn to cook."

No, making eggs and toast doesn't count.

25) "I'll volunteer and give back to the community."

All you did was have a photo shoot at the one volunteering event you went to.

26) "I'll go to church every Sunday."

No, you'll sleep in.

27) "I'm going to help the environment."

But you take hour long showers everyday?

28) "This year, I'm going to spend more time with my family."

Yeah, real quality time.

29) "I'm going to love my life."

What does that even mean?

30) "I'll start reading."

Reading tweets doesn't count.