When You Love Someone Enough To Let Them Go

When You Love Someone Enough To Let Them Go

It's not always moving on, sometimes it's just loving quieter.
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When we were younger, we cycled through our interactions quickly: best friends, friend groups, relationships even. As we mature, unimportant relationships and friendships have fallen away and the few close ones have withstood the test of time. Along the way, you've probably let go of someone you never thought you'd say goodbye to. You've probably let go of someone you never wanted to say goodbye to.

It's easy feel possessive of the people you love. The two of you have spent so much time together, bonded over silly and not so silly things, made a deep connection in a world full of so many people. So when it ends -- whether it's mutual, for good reasons, or just a slow fade -- it just doesn't feel right. But it happened and you'll come to terms with it eventually. I never like the term letting them go or moving on. Especially since I loved them so deeply, it just didn't make sense to me. Over the years I've realized that it's not cutting someone off, it's just loving them quieter.

Loving someone is usually loud. It's tight hugs, late night calls, laughing candid photos, "I miss you" texts in caps. Learning to love quieter is actually not doing these things that once showed them that you care. It's actively not doing these things, because you care. You care about their well-being, and allowing them to walk away if all has been said and there is nothing more to salvage. So you begin loving them from a distance.

You start with texting them less. You get the urge to when you pass by their favorite coffeeshop, see someone with the same dress as them, mundane things that used to be normal. You stop liking their social media posts or even looking at their feed because it just hurts. You want to be angry. You want to scream and yell and make them understand how much it all just sucks, but you know deep down it's only because you care so much. So swallow that anger, it'll pass.

After some time has passed, you reach out. You reach out in small ways, even though you know they don't want things to go back to the way they were. So you send random Facebook messages during important events, check in with their other friends, maybe even try to be friends again. You want them to be happy. And if they aren't, you want them to know that you are always there for them -- even now.

The hardest part, you let other people love them. Even though at one point you could never imagine anyone having what you two had, you realize that due to circumstance, choice, outside events, whatever the reasons...that there are better people to love them. Maybe there aren't, but they chose these people and they're happy. And you accept that now. A part of you will always love them and know how much they've impacted your life, but they'll have new friends and significant others and stories you won't be a part of.

You wish the best for them. You smile when you see a photo of them. You start liking their social media posts again. Maybe, one day you'll meet up for coffee just to catch up. Maybe you won't.

Cover Image Credit: Pinterest

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Bailey Posted A Racist Tweet, But That Does NOT Mean She Deserves To Be Fat Shamed

As a certified racist, does she deserve to be fat shamed?
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This morning, I was scrolling though my phone, rotating between Instagram, Snapchat, YouTube and Snapchat again, ignoring everyone's snaps but going through all the Snapchat subscription stories before stumbling on a Daily Mail article that piqued my interest. The article was one about a teen, Bailey, who was bullied for her figure, as seen on the snap below and the text exchange between Bailey and her mother, in which she begged for a change of clothes because people were making fun of her and taking pictures.

Like all viral things, quickly after her text pictures and harassing snaps surfaced, people internet stalked her social media. But, after some digging, it was found that Bailey had tweeted some racist remark.

Now, some are saying that because Bailey was clearly racist, she is undeserving of empathy and deserves to be fat-shamed. But does she? All humans, no matter how we try, are prejudiced in one way or another. If you can honestly tell me that you treat everyone with an equal amount of respect after a brief first impression, regardless of the state of their physical hygiene or the words that come out of their mouth, either you're a liar, or you're actually God. Yes, she tweeted some racist stuff. But does that mean that all hate she receives in all aspects of her life are justified?

On the other hand, Bailey was racist. And what comes around goes around. There was one user on Twitter who pointed out that as a racist, Bailey was a bully herself. And, quite honestly, everyone loves the downfall of the bully. The moment the bullies' victims stop cowering from fear and discover that they, too, have claws is the moment when the onlookers turn the tables and start jeering the bully instead. This is the moment the bully completely and utterly breaks, feeling the pain of their victims for the first time, and for the victims, the bully's demise is satisfying to watch.

While we'd all like to believe that the ideal is somewhere in between, in a happy medium where her racism is penalized but she also gets sympathy for being fat shamed, the reality is that the ideal is to be entirely empathetic. Help her through her tough time, with no backlash.

Bullies bully to dominate and to feel powerful. If we tell her that she's undeserving of any good in life because she tweeted some racist stuff, she will feel stifled and insignificant and awful. Maybe she'll also want to make someone else to feel as awful as she did for some random physical characteristic she has. Maybe, we might dehumanize her to the point where we feel that she's undeserving of anything, and she might forget the preciousness of life. Either one of the outcomes is unpleasant and disturbing and will not promote healthy tendencies within a person.

Instead, we should make her feel supported. We all have bad traits about ourselves, but they shouldn't define us. Maybe, through this experience, she'll realize how it feels to be prejudiced against based off physical characteristics. After all, it is our lowest points, our most desperate points in life, that provide us with another perspective to use while evaluating the world and everyone in it.

Cover Image Credit: Twitter / Bailey

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15 Winter Dates For Couples Who'd Rather Snuggle Indoors Than Step Foot Outside

Do I wanna build a snowman? Uhhhh NO!

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Christmas time in New England can get pretty damn cold. I mean, we do have a few warm days, but for the most part, it's cold, windy, and sometimes snowy out. Now, if you're anything like me and you don't like the cold, typical Christmas dates might not be for you, but luckily there's plenty of cute dates that don't involve venturing out in the freezing abyss.

So get your hot chocolate, eggnog, ugly sweaters and festive pajamas ready because here are 15 fun winter dates that don't involve you and your partner leaving the house at all.

1. Ginger bread house competition

2. Classic Christmas movie marathon

3. Hallmark movie marathon

Only because my boyfriend's mom LOVES them.

4. Okay so really just any Christmas movie marathon.

SANTAAAAAA

5. Making Christmas ornaments

6. Paper snowflake making competition

7. Baking and decorating (and eating!) Christmas cookies

8. Dance around to Christmas music

9. Make each other a new stocking

10. Write a letter to Santa

Super silly but super cute.

11. Take cute Christmas pictures

Giphy

Perfect time for those ugly Christmas sweaters or Christmas pajamas.

12. Decorate the Christmas tree

And you know the rest of the inside of the house.

13. Wrap presents together

14. Hang a mistletoe and kiss under it

15. Stay up tracking Santa

Don't forget to leave milk and cookies out for him, and carrots out for the reindeer.

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