Around 6 months ago, I felt as though I had a seemingly perfect life. I was in the second semester of my first year of college, I had made great friends and had begun dating my now-boyfriend, and I had finally adjusted to the demanding workload of a college student. Things seemed to be going well, and I felt happy with where I was and what I was doing. Until one day, I wasn’t.
Nothing changed in my life, at least not externally. I had the same friends, classes, boyfriend, and family by my side. No dramatic alterations to my daily life that gave any indication to why I suddenly felt as though I could no longer access my former happy self. That is the thing about depression though. There doesn’t have to be a reason. Even though it seemed as though I had no reason to be unhappy, that didn’t stop me from feeling that way.
It can come out of nowhere and it can consume you. It can make your favorite activities seem like a burden, and it can make you lose all motivation. And arguably the hardest thing about it is that its inexplainable. Those around me definitely noticed my change in disposition, but when asked, I didn’t have an explanation as to why I was feeling this way. It became impossible to constantly put on an act of being okay, and equally impossible to deal with questions of why I was so sad, so I retreated to my own isolated security.
It was hard to admit what was going on even to those closest to me, because a lot of people don’t truly understand depression. It is hard to face someone and tell them your darkest demons, only for them to say, “Why can’t you just be happier? There’s nothing really wrong.” It is so easy for people to empathize with external issues that that they can see or relate to, such as school stress or financial worries, and an internal problem can seem like nothing when you can’t explain what’s really wrong. But that doesn’t mean it is any less significant.
Six months later, I find myself in a much better place. But what that experience has taught me is you never know what is truly going on with a person. So many people’s lives look perfect whether it be through social media, or just casual interactions. My peripheral friends would have never guessed that I was ever unhappy for even a second, because I didn’t want people to look at me differently. But I’ve realized that the girl that I envy through her instagram profile, or my classmate who really seems to have her life together, may be battling the same demons. Everybody has something that they struggle with, it’s just a matter of overcoming it and being there for one another.
