An insomniac is someone who has difficulty falling asleep and/or staying asleep, even when conditions are optimal. Some people experience this phenomenon intermittently, during brief periods of life or as the result of stressful circumstances (for example, not sleeping well the night before or after a major exam, or after receiving unsettling news). For others, insomnia is a chronic issue.
Either way, if your sleep schedule has ever resembled this screenshot of my very own Fitbit app...
... then you can probably relate to these 7 photos, exemplifying the times I’ve caught my dogs napping in extremely relatable positions.
1. The Sleep-Surfer
Your best chance of dozing off is when you’re curled up next to a warm body, and by that I mean your laptop. Something about that blue electronic glow of the screen makes a great nightlight, and the ambient noise emitting from the speakers works as a perfect sound machine. You’ll most likely wake up sometime between your last conscious tap of the “skip intro” button and the ever-insulting pop-up asking, “Are you still there?” It’s a truly perfect window for the restless, unsatisfying power-nap that we all know and love.
2. The Question Mark
This position is named after the shape your body forms while attempting to fall asleep mid-stretch. Your legs are stuck out awkwardly, your back is arched, and your head is flopping backward with little to no support. You won’t win any chiropractic awards for this one, but the short-term benefits are worth a lifetime of back and neck pain, right?
3. The Couch-Crasher
You aren’t exactly comfortable, and you’re probably still wearing shoes and/or jeans, but the TV and prospect of not having to move are enticing enough to keep you there indefinitely. It seemed like such a good idea at the time, but you’ll pay for this one tomorrow.
4. The Half-And-Half
I call it this because you are halfway-on and halfway-off of whatever surface you’ve managed to pass out upon. Enough of your body mass has managed to remain on the bed/couch/bench/hammock so that your limbs (or head) can safely dangle off of the edge without serious risk of you waking up on the ground. Highly not recommended for anyone with recurring nightmares of falling from a high surface.
5. The Awkward-Cuddle
This position is unfortunate because you are the only one awake, and we all know that cuddling only works when both parties are awake or when both fall asleep at approximately the same time. Upon finding yourself in this position, it is typical to suffer from one or more of these side-effects: trapped arm(s), hyper-awareness that moving even the tiniest bit may wake the other person, stolen sheets, stolen pillow, trapped next to a literal human radiator, limbs are beginning to fall asleep, and many more.
6. The NPNCNP (No Pillow, No Covers, No Problem)
This position most often occurs out of extreme exhaustion or by accident. You just want to lie down for 5 minutes, you even left the light on. The upside? Instant pass-out. The downside? Usually short-lived and no alarms get set, so you wake up in a state of extreme panic and confusion.
7. The Contortionist
You are nothing but a tangled mess of outstretched limbs and whatever objects happen to be in your bed for some unknown reason, stretched into the least comfortable-looking position possible. This is as confusing for onlookers as it is for you upon waking. I’m not sure how dogs manage to pull it off while still looking adorable, but our species is not blessed with similar talent. If someone took your picture in this position, you would not want it published in an online article.
