Mother Nature is back again! Gifts are nice, and I'm glad everything is working down there, but I could do without the emotional rollercoaster and intense urge to eat everything. The eye rolling, the yelling, crying, and many other moods all have a reunion on my special time of the month, so who else could be better to demonstrate this spectrum of dramatic emotion than the Kardashian/Jenner clan?
Why is everything annoying? You're annoying.
Suddenly, something as small as the sound of my boyfriend's chewing has pushed me into a level of annoyance I never thought was possible. Somehow, everyone is a lot more stupid than they were yesterday. Moodiness is common about a week or so before your actual period because of hormones. But who cares, shut up, everything is annoying.
Then you get your period and you realize that's why you were in such a bitchy mood yesterday:
CRAMPS
Adding insult to injury, now my uterus is being wrung out like a wet rag to dry. It feels like something in between constipation and dying, and you honestly wonder what you ever did to deserve to be in this much pain. I thought we were friends? I treat you to nice things like cotton panties and a heathy diet and you just pay me back in cramps?
I feel the first knots starting to form and I'm like...
but it always eventually turns into a full-blown Kim cry.
OK, How long is this again?
"Shove a bunch of tampons in your bags, it's your heavy day!" If I forget, everytime I sneeze, cough, or pretty much move at all, I'll remember. The cramps were terrible but they're gone, and now I'm just stuck with this mess, and it's already getting old. Who's idea was this seven day nonsense, anyway?
Craving everything
Oh my god, when's the last time I had homemade apple pie? Or an oreo milkshake? Time to stock up on ice cream, chips, and pretty much whatever else I can get my hands on. Whether it's a bowl of steak fries or Kourtney's Kit Kat that I'm in the mood for, it tastes good and after the hell my body is putting me through, I deserve it.
No thanks, I'll just sleep forever.
Cancel all my plans until further notice, I've got to sleep this one out. The mood swings + food coma equals a night in, or three. Whatever you're saying to me can wait until later when my body stops trying to kill me.
Bye bye!
Finally, after that long internal battle with my utuers, I have come out on the other side. Actual blood sweat and tears have gone into this. While I thank you for everything you do, I will not miss you. It's time to celebrate!