So as a recent graduate of college, the only thing I really have to look forward to now in my increasingly pathetic life is the weekend. While the workload that comes with being a full time college student is rough, you get to make up for it by basically being able to do whatever you want once said work is done. You want to got to a Beer Pong tournament on a Wednesday night? Game on. Split a handle of plain Burnette’s and watch the Pro Bowl? Bring it. Feeling thirsty on Thursday? Time to get the shwasty pants on.

The thing is, since college can sometimes be hard, it can also feel like one non stop party, which is why a lot of students go out not just on Fridays and Saturdays, but Thursdays as well, cleverly dubbed “Thirsty Thursday.” You know, to blow off steam and all that jazz. Most of the time, partying three nights a week becomes second nature. So being the spontaneous man of research that I am, this past Thursday I got curious.

A couple of my best friends from college had to take an extra semester and year (aka the “victory lap”) and they asked if I wanted to come out with them for Thirsty Thursday. They informed me that some of our other good friends would be returning as well. Me being the aging boozehound that I am, I decided to give it a go.

Now nothing bad happened, I had a good time, and some good laughs and even managed not to make the obligatory 7-Eleven trip for hot dogs and monteray jack taquitos on the late night tip. But dear god in heaven did it become abundantly clear that I am not in college anymore.

During my glory days time as a student, I would go out, feel a little worse for wear the next day, then rally for another night of mayhem, that old song and dance. Like clockwork. Not this time. I woke up completely disoriented and confused, with an absolutely RAGING headache and felt nauseous all day. It felt like some little gremlin or something was inside my head and wailing on it like one of those speed bags that boxers use to train that looks like a uvula. Even now writing this article that I’m sure my parents will be thrilled to read, I still don’t feel a hundred percent and it’s almost midnight.

There is also not a snowball’s chance in hell that I am leaving this house to do anything social either. I am completely fine with sacrificing my Friday night in exchange for seeing some people I haven’t in a while on a Thursday evening. I made this bed and now I have to lie in it. (This was more than just a cliché I’m literally lying in my bed typing this.) Now that I’m not in school, going out again tonight would just be some absolutely barbarian level stuff. Ain’t happening.

So what I learned is that now that I’m not in school anymore, I cannot drink like I did when I was a student. I’m growing up and it really bites. Don’t get me wrong there’s been wake up calls before about this process before this but one thing is for sure: From now on Thirsty Thursdays are a no-go for Big Boy Brandon.