Yellow roses. Those are my favorite flowers. Yellow, because it's the happiest color and roses because right before they bloom, they have this elegant, yet youthful effect on whichever room you put them in.
But my boyfriend would never be able to tell you if he were asked, anything mentioned in the above paragraph. I'm not sure if he even knows that roses come in the color yellow. He could, however, tell you anything you wanted to know about guns, boats, fish, trucks, or skinning dead animals.
I think in life, especially when shared with someone, we can tend to focus on the more. We look at what's lacking, what needs improvement, or even what we may never have in our partner. I myself am guilty of this. Life is stressful and often times we think "if only this were different" or "if only you did this" things would become less stressful. However, I don't think it works that way. At what point would we no longer ask for more? Once things become the unreachable idea of perfect?
Lately, I have found myself trying to focus on the positives, keeping my point of view at an angle where I do have more and that unreachable idea of perfect is clouded by the qualities I am thankful for. Life will always have stressors and people will forever have flaws, but I believe it's our responsibility to adjust our mindsets to focus on the good in order to keep the less desirable moments from defeating us.
I don't get yellow roses, or any flowers for that matter. I don't get candle lit dinners, spur of the moment trips or little love notes left strategically on the mirror or in my car. Heck, it's a miracle when I get a #WCW. However, I want to say that what I do get, is so much more.
Every time we go out, he insists on paying. Last time we went to the movies and we agreed that I would pay for popcorn, yet he paid for it anyway. He's let me pay for my half of dinner one time and you would have thought I was asking him to do backflips. He puts gas in my car, is always offering to help me pay my bills or give me the money for something of his he has for sale. I don't need someone to pay for my stuff, but the point here is that he refuses to take advantage of me and instead wants to make certain I have everything I need before I spend a dime on him. Even when I want to.
He opens the door for me, even when his hands are full and he has to use his foot. He forces me to wear his jacket when I'm cold and have forgotten to bring my own. He makes my plate and washes it after I am done eating, feeds and waters my dog before I even notice she is out of food or water and has never once made plans without asking me what I want to do first. He offers to take me to Starbucks, helps me clean my apartment, lets me put a facemask on him, lets me pick at him even though he hates it and drives a half hour to bring me food when I work a long shift.
The thing is, he is so rough around the edges. He can be hot-headed, overly assertive, too opinionated and has no problem speaking his mind...he can judge people too quickly or hold a grudge for too long. He's conservative, introverted and hardly has tolerance for people who have offended him, intentionally or not. But he also goes above and beyond for anyone he loves, will play with his two-year-old with unlimited enthusiasm and attention, provides even when it breaks him, and laughs with anyone who takes the time to talk to him. He is the first person to defend me and will be the last one standing to argue my side.
He may not give in to my dog sleeping on the couch with me or cave when I give him puppy dog eyes, but he also never asks for anything. He never lets me carry the heavy groceries, will run outside in the cold to get something I need just so I don't have to be cold. I have full faith that he would catapult himself in front of any sort of pain to keep me from getting hurt. He may always say no before he says yes, but if he knows something is important to me he will eventually do whatever he can to see me happy. In all of the things he does, I see how much he values me. He would rather be uncomfortable, he would rather struggle than see me have to do something stressful or uncomfortable.
These are the qualities I choose to recognize and be grateful for. I would be lying if I said I never looked at our relationship and wished some things were better or different, but in the big picture I know I have a man who is honest, unafraid of work and responsibility and a man who is kindhearted. In a world where we are constantly asking for more, I want to look at the person I am with and know they are enough.
I came into his life with my structure and softness, my chaotic schedule and many commitments, my strong beliefs that he never before considered and my all involved, and at times (though I hate to admit it) micromanaging attitude. He's accepted all of it and not once has he tried to fight it.
For all you women out there who get discouraged with your over-manly, overly strict, brutally honest, not-so-open-minded, sometimes oblivious men, just remember that sometimes those with the hardest shells have the softest hearts and the most loyal minds. I can't express how much I appreciate someone looking out for me when I fail to look out for myself, someone who stands up for me when I feel like I can't and someone who works hard to support the ones he loves. So if I never get flowers, I can accept that. I know that instead, I get unshakeable loyalty, someone who will always pull more than his own weight, and a man who will chose me, over and over again. I'll choose that over flowers any day.
