Now, just by looking at the title I know what some of you are thinking, “You can’t force anyone to do anything” or “Well, if he cheated then he never loved or respected you,” but you’re wrong and I’m here to tell you why.

My ex-boyfriend was the nice guy. He was the guy that never wronged anyone, and he was the pushover. He’s the guy who would get stuck doing all the work in the group project because he was too nice to say no. The worst part was that he loved me unconditionally, he accepted me for who I was and loved my flaws, he put up with all the crap that comes with dating me like my messed up family, my trust issues, my crazy friends, my excessive drinking in times of stress, my exceedingly high expectations, my mood swings, and worst of all, my high maintenance attitude. Holding me on this golden pedestal, he couldn’t face the thought that maybe, just maybe, in this perfect world he envisioned for us, that I wasn’t the girl for him, that I wasn’t this perfect girl he made up in his head.

I wasn’t the person he thought I could be, and at the time I could never have been that girl. Luck wasn’t the word to describe how I ended up with someone like him. However, regret is the word to describe how much I ruined him and his solitude. Here’s how I ruined a great guy and how I forced him to cheat on me without using any real force at all.

I wanted him to be a mind reader.

Step one to ruin your relationship is the lack of communication. Whether it’s on one side or both sides, if you’re not willing to open up about your feelings or voice when something makes you uncomfortable, your relationship is destined for failure.

That also goes for not acknowledging the positive things your partner does to make you happy, or saying “thank you” to the little things they do for you. He watches "The Bachelor" and all your girly shows with you instead of watching the football game because he wants to make you happy. But instead of being thankful and appreciating this act of kindness, you scowl at him because he didn’t bring the wine you wanted. Even though he went to three different stores before finally giving up and buying your second favorite instead. That just wasn’t good enough. I constantly and subconsciously always made him feel like he wasn’t good enough.

In the beginning of our relationship before I became a pompous jerk about wine, I played the “cool girl” act. I pretended to be the perfect girlfriend. I wanted his friends and family to like me, I wanted them to have this perfect, ideal image of who I was. I told him I didn’t care when he went to the strip club, when he went to a party without me, or when he played FIFA with the guys for hours ignoring me. “Oh yeah, it’s no big deal, don’t worry about it,” I would say. Well, that was a lie. Nothing irritated me more than him crawling into bed reeking of booze and marijuana, but at the time, I would never tell him this.

How would he have any clue that this bothered me?

I resented him for not being a mind reader. I wanted him to just knowwhat I did and didn’t like. How was he supposed to ever know? Nothing could ever get resolved because I never told him how I really felt. On top of my already snobby attitude toward him, I would give him even more attitude daily because of something he had no idea he had even done to make me upset.

I became passive-aggressive.

“Whatever, I don’t even care.”

“I’m not mad at you, why are you always so pessimistic?”

After months of resenting him because I couldn’t admit that I wasn’t perfect and that things actually upset me, I began keeping score. That’s step two of ruining any relationship.

”OK, so you had two nights with the guys this week, I won’t text you back all day, and then last minute cancel our dinner plans because it’s ‘girls night.'” At this point, I’m sure he resented me too. I would take a selfie with another guy on Snapchat if he was ignoring my calls or texts just because I knew it would get a rise out of him. Then I would say, “Well, he’s just my good guy friend, stop being a jealous boyfriend.” How could he not be jealous when I’m giving another guy more attention in one picture than I’d given him all day?

We both began playing games of acting like we didn’t care. It became a competition of who would text who first, who would ask the other to sleep over, who would make plans for the weekend, who would kiss the other first and it was tearing me apart limb by limb.

Endless games of cat and mouse and I was always the mouse, expecting him to chase after me. Oh, and if he didn’t chase after me there were consequences.

I used sex as a weapon.

On one hand, if things were going really well that week and I was getting everything my way, I would do anything in my power to please him and make him happy.

On the other hand, if I felt he wasn’t meeting up to my unrealistic expectations, I would purposely sleep in something sexy and “fall asleep” without even a kiss, rolling over without saying a word.

Speaking of kisses, if I was “mad” at him for something I wouldn’t kiss him back and even worse than that, he would say “I love you” and my response would always be something similar to “yup” or “that’s cool.”

I was cold-hearted and cruel -- why would he ever want to stay with a spiteful girlfriend like me? I hurt him over and over with my lack of affection, my snide remarks, my negative attitude and my self-loathing.

Sex is supposed to be beautiful when shared with two people who love each other. It should never be used as a weapon or a threat. No one should feel uncomfortable having sex with their partner. On the contrary, no one should feel obligated to have sex with someone or even threaten to use sex over someone’s head to get leverage; there’s nothing healthy about that.

I didn’t love myself.

When we first started dating, I was 18 and a college freshman. I barely knew who I was and I wasn’t ready to learn all about someone else and love them unconditionally. I didn’t love myself unconditionally.

Day after day, I looked in the mirror and critiqued the way I looked. “You could lose 10 pounds...maybe 15. God, your eyebrows are horrible. Thigh gap? In your dreams.”

I had a guy that loved me, every single inch and every single part of me, flaws and all, but I was never happy or satisfied with myself. Not only was I unhappy with my physical appearance, but I felt I could never be enough for someone. “No one will love you if you don’t get a 4.0. How do you expect to get a job someday with this B- in stats?”

I took all the anger and hate that I had toward myself out on him, my biggest supporter. All he wanted to do was bring me up and see me succeed, but I didn’t feel that way about myself, therefore, I didn’t feel that way toward him. I didn’t care if he passed his class with a B, my next question was “Well what are you going to do with that class anyway?”

I degraded him. A "B-" wasn’t good enough for someone who was going to be my boyfriend. Step three of ruining your relationship: love and accept yourself or you will never be able to with your partner.

The saying really is true: "If you don’t learn to love yourself, you’ll never learn to love someone else."

I held him to unrealistic standards.

I wanted to be the picture perfect couple, and for a while we were. Everyone always commented on how happy we looked together and how we were the “perfect couple," like OMG “relationship goals.”

We weren’t always on thin ice with each other, we were truly happy once. But I pushed him, I always tested his limits. I expected flowers -- no, not flowers, roses. Oh, and if I didn’t get them I would play the silent game and cry to him about how he never does anything special for me.

In reality, everything he did was planned out and special for me. I never took the time to appreciate him and his simplicity. He enjoyed the little things like getting breakfast together and watching "COPS Shots Fired" together. He wasn’t always about the pictures and the fancy dinners.

Here’s step four to ruin your relationship…

It was Thursday night -- I was out with the girls, he stayed in. Then 3 a.m. rolled by, and we were drunk and wanted a ride home. Who did I call? Him. Not only did he answer and offered to pick us up, but he also had pizza waiting in the car for all of us. But no, this wasn’t enough. Why did he only get cheese? Doesn’t he know I love pepperoni? Does he even know me at all?

Instead of appreciating the fact that he jumped out of bed to bring, not only me, but all my drunk friends home, I fought with him about pizza toppings. He should have ditched my ungrateful butt on the side of the road.

I expected him to take me out to dinner and a movie once a week. I expected him to come to all my family functions. I expected him to wait in the parking lot on campus for an extra half hour so I could finish straightening my hair. It was my friend’s birthday, and I expected him to buy her shots all night long.

It was no wonder he hated me so much. I hated myself too.

Since I was no longer giving him the love he craved, he found it somewhere else.

He cheated and I don’t blame him, but you know it didn’t start that way. I wasn’t always so willing to admit when I messed up.

Weeks later, I took him back. Something inside me still wouldn’t forgive him though. If I resented him before, imagine the resent I felt for him now.

We tried to fix our problems, we cried and struggled with the heartache of letting each other go. We drowned our problems in sex and thought we were coming to conclusions. I became less of a jerk to him, he broke my wall down and I let him in.

Unfortunately, it was too late.

Too much damage had been done, too much hurt had been felt, and too many tears had been cried. I’ll never have a bad thing to say because in reality, he was the good guy. He was the one finishing last to let others finish before him, and I destroyed his innocence. I hardened him and made him afraid to show his shine, nervous to start a new relationship and hesitant to fall in love again. All the times I broke him down, he always tried to build me up.

I didn’t appreciate the small things. I expected roses instead of appreciating the fact that he picked out those daisies himself. I wasn’t happy with myself and the decisions I was making, so I took out my frustration on him. I took him for granted. I abused him mentally and emotionally. That’s how I forced my boyfriend to cheat on me.

But I’ve learned so much from it. I’ve learned to love myself, accept myself, and be myself. I’ve let down walls and lowered all my unrealistic standards. Although things didn’t work out for us, it taught me so much and made me a better person in the long run.