My anxiety is my constant companion, no matter how happy I am, and no matter what's going on in my life. But some things will trigger it more than others, things such as my recent lay off, or looking for an apartment. I have had happy events and holidays ruined because I couldn't stand to be surrounded by people. And my anxiety can make me feel like I am less than a person.
I've had anxiety since the death of my friend when I was 13. I went to therapy and it helped a little bit, but it has been a constant ever since. Over the years it has gotten worse, and it has prevented me from so many things. And I see so many people go through the same problems as me, and it honestly breaks my heart.
Anxiety likes to latch on to you and try and control your entire life, it can make you miss out on important events and milestones. The amount of holidays and birthday parties that I've had to leave early is ridiculous, and I know whenever I do these things I'm hurting someone's feelings, and it makes me guilty. But it's just so hard for me to be in a room with a bunch of other people.
Even driving a car or being a passenger can make me physically ill because it sends my anxiety through the roof. Because my anxiety likes to bother me while in a moving car, my fiancé and I have gone out to eat a total of three times. And I always feel like I'm holding him back even though he always reassures me that it doesn't.
At the end of the day, my anxiety will always be with me, even though there are ways that I can overcome it, and I will overcome it. The hardest thing for people with anxiety is putting ourselves out there, and for me writing articles that people actually read scares me. But here I am, starting to put myself out there. And I think that all of us with anxiety should try and do something to overcome it once and awhile. I'm even going out to dinner with Dave tonight.
