Let me start off by saying I’m no expert on relationships. I’m not some sort of love guru or matchmaker or couples therapist. I also don’t consider myself as someone who is great at giving advice in general. I’m not really qualified to be offering tips on relationships; however, there is one piece of wisdom I have come to realize.
Before I get to it, I think an explanation of myself is required. I have never been overly confident. I have never looked at myself in the mirror and said, “DAMN” or wrote something and thought “I’m great at this writing thing.” I find it hard to speak around people I don’t know well, simply because I’m afraid nonsense will come out of my mouth. Overall, you could say I tend to be doubtful of myself.
When I was younger, as guilty as I am to admit it, I thought being in a relationship would fix this all. I thought someone would come along and erase all my insecurities and diminish every negative thought about myself. Isn’t that what happened in the movies? The boy coaxed a pretty girl to take off her glasses and BAM—she was the town’s new “it” girl, and all her uncertainties would lay to rest.
This is not the case. In fact, if anything, it is an extremely distorted way of thinking.
The first time I was called “pretty” by my significant other, I scoffed at him, rolling my eyes and sarcastically saying, “Oh, I’m so flattered.” While it had felt pleasant to be paid a compliment like that, I honestly just didn’t believe it. However, that is not a relationship problem or a problem with my boyfriend—it was a problem I had.
Being in a relationship doesn’t diminish the negative way you may think of yourself. Sure, complimenting each other is lovely, and it feels good. You desperately want the other person to believe you when you say "You're smart," "You're attractive," or simply, "You're a great person" because that is what you honestly think. Regardless of the convincing, the compliments, and the spoiling, at the end of the day, you are the only one who can change what you think about yourself.
Having a boyfriend or a girlfriend or any special person in your life is truly wonderful. Your significant other will provide you with unexplainable feelings and, you can lean on them in times of self-doubt. These people are there for supporting, loving and caring, but there are some demons you must conquer on your own.
Loving yourself in today’s world is hard. Unrealistic expectations are splattered in front of us at an ever-moving pace. Waking up and convincing yourself that you are beautiful, intelligent, and brilliant has turned into dwelling task. Either way, it is something that must be done.
A relationship will not fix your problems. It will not magically transform you into the person you wish to be. There are certain acts you must complete before settling in to love another person. Loving yourself is vital to making a relationship work well. Recognizing your self-worth is the first step in learning to love yourself and eventually, allowing yourself to love another being.
