It's that time of year. A bunch of rich kids from Los Angeles dress like hippies and make their pilgrimage to the middle of nowhere and listen to bands they've never heard of before. But in all seriousness, the music festival has it's idiosyncratic roots burrowed deep into the heart of American culture. From Woodstock, The Governor's Ball, Austin City Limits, Coachella, and Lollapalooza, music festivals are all so different, and offer their odd set of fashion goofballs and almost-famous artists and shove tens of thousands of festival goers into a square mile and force them to listen to bands they've never heard.
But somehow, amongst the music, vomit, and drugs, we all seem to find these things not only fun, and we anticipate the claustrophobia inducing nonsense like this girl who plans to attend Lollapalooza in July, 2016:
Yeah. Well, as an author and world traveller, I have been to many festivals and like many people, I have immediate regrets upon arriving and leave, dazed, confused, and can only describe the experience as a life-changing experience. All I know is that there are five. And only five that you need to go to before you die. And yes, I am quite aware that you may die at one of these venues, so I'll rank them. Because before you shell out a grand to camp out in the middle of nowhere and act like a moron, you should at least know what's good and not.
5. Coachella
Coachella is one of the largest music festivals that has ever existed. This is a celebrity packed mega-festival that is located in the heart of the inland empire's Coachella Valley. The lineup for this festival is fairly decent and they have a good track record on keeping people engaged. However, since you are out in the middle of nowhere, camping is sometimes a viable option. But at the same time, you must remember that "glamping" is necessary at places like this. And expect to be kept up really, really, really, late. At the 2016 Coachella Festival, I was kept up until dawn because all the festival-goers decided that they didn't need sleep, they needed to make a ton of noise and keep us all up. The one very entertaining thing is the idiosyncratic people that attend and the glitzy, neon carnival is always a sight to see.
THE BOTTOM LINE: Fun, fluffy, lacking substance and a campy, youth ridden venue
4. Austin City Limits
One of the largest music festivals in the south, Austin City Limits, the iconic 15 year old music festival, is actually very much like a 15 year old. It's packed full of hormones, is awfully pretentious, and has a very bad taste in music. The only reason why I truly go to ACL because it it attaches itself to that old-school vibe that reminds us all of Woodstock. The entire thing is very simple and if you are looking for a stripped down show without all the glitz and glamour of a mainstream festival. In short, ACL embodies all the things we love about a music festival: just a bunch of oddballs in the middle of a field (Zilker Park in Austin, Texas to be exact) dancing and being crazy. In addition to the simplicity, the weather is always nice and the crowd is usually cool after you get over the stench of overpriced cologne. Austin is the home of the weird and prides itself on being the live music capital of the world because no other American city was pretentious enough to take the title.
THE BOTTOM LINE: ACL gives you old school, feel-good vibes, but offers little in the way of headliners or an exciting venue.
3. The Electric Carnival
No psychedelic substances needed here. The stage is epic. The music is incomprehensible. The speakers are screaming out music at the speed of, well, sound. The stage is so impressive and the colors light up the night crazier than any festival I have ever been to. Words cannot describe how unbelievably epic this festival is.
The Electric Carnival is an EDM focused music festival that invades Las Vegas, Nevada every year with it's Coachella-on-drugs vibe. The stage features an enormous owl that moves as fireworks explode into the air. There are rides, food, and good music. The best part is the venue's location. Las Vegas, Nevada. There are hotels everywhere and unlike many others, you can spend the day luxuriating on the strip and spend the night partying without losing all your money in a casino. Flying to Vegas is cheap and the hotels aren't too bad. However, the lights and sound of such an intense event, aren't for the faint of heart. I almost get a headache every time I attend. So, if you choose to attend this epic EDM festival in sin city, have some Aleve handy. You very well may need it.
THE BOTTOM LINE: Big, exciting, and almost the Disney World of music festivals, a good venue and good headliners make this a good festival but you may not recognize the headliners and may leave with nothing but a headache.
2. The Governor's Ball
The venue for this festival is very hard to beat. In New York City, the governor's ball is internationally recognized headliners and modest mix of EDM and contemporary music. Every year thousands of people invade Randall's Island in New York to partake in this world-famous festival that has gained momentum in recent years. The music festival is very new and debuted it's first lineup in 2011. However, it has gained an unprecedented amount of support and it seems to be be eclipsing some of its older rivals. Every year, more and more people come and it's the perfect time to get into the mix and claim the coveted right to say :"I was there before it was cool". I went and wasn't disappointed. I was rather shocked to see Lana Del Rey jamming to Weird Al Yankovic, but that's the essence of the music festival, I guess. Nevertheless, attend, and I promise, you will not be disappointed.
THE BOTTOM LINE: This ball is getting big, and with a dream venue accompanied by big name headliners, you can almost guarantee a good time in NYC even though it's a bit new.
1. Lollapalooza
The reason why Lollapalooza is number one is simply because it takes all the things we love about modern day music festivals and it blends it together perfectly. The headliners are always killer and the venue is perfect. Surrounded by the skyline of Chicago, Illinois, Grant Park welcomes tens of thousands of music lovers every year to experience one of the most beloved festivals in existence. The headliners are always a treat and it's a bit older than it's competitors, celebrating it's 25th anniversary this year and adding another full day to the festival. Chicago is an excellent venue, because the massive lake that lines the shores with the big metropolitan vibe, welcomes festival goers with an array of hotel options and activities. Although absent of all the glitz and glam of the newer "hipper" festivals we can guarantee that Lolla provides old school quality, a good venue, above average headliners, and the crowd is always tasteful. Lollapalooza gets an A- in all categories while some festivals fall flat on their obsession to draw out worn characteristics. Lollapalooza is a good starter festival, too. It helps many newbies find out what they are looking for. So if you are looking for a well rounded festival that passes all its classes, look no further.
In Conclusion...
Finally, I know that there are so many out there and of course I have only named a few. But this is just a simple list of amazing festivals to get you started on your journey into the world of sex, drugs, and rock and roll.
