I have been asked numerous times what I am feeling about moving to China. There is no one word that describes exactly how it feels to move around the world by yourself to start a new life for a year. So this is a breakdown of the MANY things that I am feeling.
Fear...I am afraid of the unknown. Next Wednesday I am hopping on a plane to move to Tianjin, China. I have always lived in a small town in Alabama. Not ridiculously small, but much smaller than the 14 million people city that I will be moving to in just under one week. If you recognize the name Tianjin, it is probably because on Wednesday, exactly a week before I am supposed to move, there was a major explosion that destroyed a part of the city. If that does not make you a little fearful of the unknown, I do not know what will. I am also afraid of leaving friends, sorority life, orchestra, and my school in general. It is a weird, self-absorbed thought that life does continue without you there. I will be missing my brother’s first year marching tenors and all of his performances, his 16th birthday, my dads 50th birthday, and other family milestones. I will be making a 7,151-mile move from my boyfriend of five years. I am afraid of long distance.
Excitement… I am absolutely so excited for all the opportunities that I will get within the next year. I was blessed with a scholarship that covers all my needs while in China, so when I am not learning Chinese at the university, I will be exploring as much of China as I can possibly explore in a year.I am excited to post pictures of all my adventures and the events that go one while I am there. I am so excited to get to make new friends, discover new things, learn new things, see new cultures and people, try new foods, and hopefully come home with a better idea of what I want to do with the rest of my life.
Sadness… I am sad to be leaving my loved ones! I am sad that I cannot pack up my dogs in my suitcase or carry my chameleon on my shoulder. I will miss my parents and my brother terribly. I will miss my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, and my friends. I am sad that I will be doing a year without them involved in every aspect of my life.
Happiness… I am so happy about going. Almost everything makes me happy about this new adventure except leaving loved ones. However, I am really happy because most of them will come visit me at some point during the year and I will get to share new experiences and new adventures with them that we would not typically be able to get to do.
Curiosity… Yes, I know that curiosity killed the cat. Luckily, I am a human. I am curious about all the new cultural changes. I have never been on a subway or a train. I have never been on an international flight. I have never been surrounded by millions of people speaking a language I do not speak. I have never been to a classroom where the entire student body does not speak a common language. I have never lived in a big city. I have never been more than an hour away from my family for more than a week. I have never just had to guess at what I was eating. I have never been able to travel by myself, so I have never had to navigate by myself. I am so curious as to how all these things work and how much I will grow by doing or trying them.
Thankful… I am for my university and the opportunities that they have given me to flourish. I am so very thankful for my parents and my other family members who have given me the tools to do the same. I am thankful for the support and prayers from my friends and my church family. I am thankful for my supportive boyfriend. I am thankful to be living in a stunning world and to get to explore it at 19. I am thankful.
