Ok, so almost a month ago I came to a brand new life. Granted, I carried with me familiar clothes, personal items, and 19 years worth of experiences, but there was still something missing. However, this missing thing is not simply a tangible good I could pick up from the grocery store. It is not written in a library book filled with someone else's story. Instead, there was something greater I could not pack with me in my suitcase.
When I arrived in Austria, there was a newness in the air. I had learned some basic German, but as I soon realized, not nearly enough to get by. I had instructions how to get to my residence from the airport, but there was no way I would truly ever know where I was going. When I finally got to my new "home" I was overwhelmed with the aura in the air. One word cannot simply describe what I was feeling. It wasn't complete nerves and it wasn't complete fear. It was excitement, anticipation, and a lingering feeling of frustration at not being fully aware of what was going on.
And when I finally got settled into new physical home, there was still that feeling awaiting me. There was an uncomfortable feeling that no amount of unpacking could help. I felt as I did on the first day of middle school. I kind of knew how the whole "making friends" thing worked and I still had friends I could count on. Luckily, everyone I met was in the same boat as me (and we got along so much better than any group of middle schoolers ever would).
Honestly, I fell in love with this city. Despite the confusion I felt towards everything else, I know without a doubt that I am in love with this city. There is an elegance here that is unprecedented. The grandeur of the city makes the tops of buildings seem limitless. Meanwhile, all the cafes with their delicate pastries and gourmet cups of coffee make you feel cozy. Compared to everything bustling around me, I felt like I was lost. . . and yet I was totally ok with that.
There is no way I could accurately put into words what it's like to be almost a million miles away from everything I know that is safe and familiar. There is nothing like knowing there is a fresh start awaiting, and there is a whole world to be seen. This feeling is one of mixed emotions; it is one of knowing what I am but also knowing what I want to become. It is almost like going to a beach and not being about to see where the water meets the skyline, yet knowing with utter certainty it is there.
Leaving everything I ever knew and going somewhere by myself was the best decision I have ever made. This trip has already made so many memories for me and I know there are many things I have yet to experience. While there is still so much left unknown, I see these things only as that which is left to discover.
