How To Move On

For the first half of my life, I was a horse girl. I spent every waking moment in love with horses. Starting from a young age, I was introduced to the equestrian world. Both my mom and my sister had ridden horses, so it was no surprise when I fell in love with them, too. I dedicated most of my childhood to being around horses, there are few days where I wasn’t around them. Because of this, I could never picture a future where I would not be involved with horses some way. They were my world, I was going to be a veterinarian, a trainer, a professional rider, anything that involved horses was an option for me.

But when I was 13, things changed. On a cold March day, I fell off my horse. Falling off was something that happened; we usually stand up, brush off the dirt and get back on the horse, but this was different. I came out of this fall with a broken hip, an injury that would define the rest of my childhood life.

After my accident, I wanted things to go back to normal. I wanted to be able to get back on my horse and continue my dreams. Recovery was a long process, but I did not let it keep me from the barn, and after a long six months, I got to ride again. At first, everything felt right again, like nothing had changed. But a long list of things were different. I had lost my confidence, and I was having issues with the healing of my hip. For another year, I pushed myself, but eventually it all became too much and I let go of it all.

Recovering from my hip was hard, but learning to move on was harder. I had spent my entire life, through the age of 14, believing my future would be with horses and having to move on from that was difficult. I learned a hard lesson in life: things will not always go as planned, and sometimes you need to make new plans.

Moving on is a slow process, I didn’t wake up one day ready to start a new future. I had become afraid to dream of a future because I did not want to lose it again. But as time heals all wounds, I found myself falling in love with new things and dreaming of new futures. There are some days I miss all of it, and I spend a lot of time dwelling on what could have been, but I am moving on. Making new plans was hard, but they are happening. I am forming new dreams and I am allowing myself to believe in them. After spending so much time afraid of the world, I now know that things will not always happen how I plan, and that is OK.