Falling in love, or what you think is "in love," at a young age can be a blessing in disguise. It can be a blessing in the sense that you create memories, have someone to go out with, someone to talk to, someone to vent to, and someone to experience the wonders of growing up with.
For me, I thought I was "in love" when I was a freshman in high school. I met a guy, was hooked immediately, and spent nearly every day for four years with him. We basically did everything together. I am thankful for the things we did, the time we spent together, and the memories we created, but I now know those are only just going to be memories.
Although we were only technically together for four years, I've spent six years struggling to be with him or not to be with him. Every girl has that one relationship that you can't seem to let go of because it did, at one time, mean everything to you. For so long, I felt trapped and smothered by my feelings. For so long, I told myself, "He means everything to me, I don't know what I'd do without him."
But honestly, I was 100 percent wrong.
As I am now 20-years-old, I am beginning to see the world differently. I see the different lives we are living and we are growing up to be two completely different people than the ones we were when we were with each other. I had hopes of creating something with him again, but it wasn't until recently I comprehended I didn't even want that anymore.
For too long I was blinded by the very few good things, that I convinced myself that they outweighed the bad ones. I let things like cheating, manipulation, and lying subside for just another night spent with him...even if that night consisted of me doing his homework. When I was 16, I would have considered that to be a perfect night spent with him.
At the time, I actually believed he was the love of my life and I would never feel this way about someone else again...at the time. As I am still maturing and reaching for what is ahead of me in life, it becomes more clear. I am only 20. I have so many more years to look forward to and so many more relationships to experience. I have time. I have time to fall in love again, or maybe even again and again. But experiencing what I experienced with my first love is something I will always cherish. It taught me many lessons and morals that I will continue to follow in order to be the best I can be when Mr. Right does come along. It taught me how to love, how to fight, how being too jealous isn't OK, how to take fault for wrongdoings, how to forgive, and most importantly, how to trust.
If anything, I don't punish or hold a grudge against my first love. I respect what I have learned from him. I've learned when enough is enough and trying to push a relationship from something that is broken will never work. It is OK that we were broken and weren't meant to be; that doesn't mean that what we had wasn't special.
We were lucky enough to experience young love, just our young love didn't last.
