From age 6 until age 12, I was considered overweight. My pediatrician was very concerned and explained that my weight was more than the “ideal weight” according to the mass standard for kids.
I was a child and didn’t really understand why my weight was such a concern. My mom blamed herself and tried her best to adapt our diet to a healthier one. Her repeated words of encouragement went in one ear and out the other.
Finally, at age 13, I started noticing my body and realized how incredibly unhealthy I had become. Thus began my journey to better health. I stopped overeating and started exercising.
The weight began to come off and I really liked the results. Everyone was complimenting me and boys were noticing me. I loved the attention and I loved my new body.
Once I reached a healthy weight, my pediatrician told me I didn't need to lose any more weight. She said my weight was where it needed to be.
However, every time I looked in the mirror, I would still see that overweight girl. I wasn't satisfied with the way I looked even though I was at a very healthy weight. So, I continued to lose more and more weight. It eventually got to the point where I would barely eat and would exercise two or three times a day.
Every time a friend or family member told me that I had a problem, I would be offended. My mom took me to the doctor several times. I had gone way below my ideal body weight. I still had a lot of growing to do and wasn't giving my body the nutrients it needed.
Every time I ate something, I felt extremely guilty and would immediately exercise to work it off. I would check my weight multiple times a day. I wanted the number on the scale to keep going down.
I'm not sure what finally made it click that what I was doing was horrible to my health. Although I was at a healthy weight and looked good, I still had insecurities about my body. I would complain about being fat or eating too much. Even though I was thin, I still would look at girls that I thought had perfect bodies and envy them. The voice was still there telling me that I was fat.
It wasn't until my senior year of high school that I realized that I needed to learn to love my body. I went to an all girls’ school and we often had guest speakers. On a particular occasion, the speaker was an alumna of St. Joseph's and founder of Southern Smash, a non-profit organization that raises awareness about eating disorders. Their mission is to change young women’s perspective on body image and help them learn to love their bodies.
We did an activity where we smashed scales with baseball bats. When I was smashing a scale, I felt powerful over the numbers that came from those scales. It was then that I realized I was more than the numbers on the scale.
Overcoming a distorted body image is extremely hard to do as is maintaining a healthy weight, however, both can be achieved. No matter what our culture tells us about body image, we need to learn to love ourselves.
