There are a thousand things that I could thank you for. On the other hand, there are a thousand things I want to scream at you for. Whatever it is, I know that you have always had my best intentions in mind. You are my guardian angel. A true heaven-sent friend.

I'm writing this because I want you to know what you mean to me. I want you to know that I have hated you. I have wanted to run away. And I have wanted to run to you and cry in your arms.

I smack myself every time I do something I know came from you. Like talking to myself when I do the dishes, or getting irrationally mad when someone doesn't help me when I am clearly sighing my head off because I need some assistance. I think the worst thing you and dad could have given me is this temper. I even get angry when I start thinking like you because I have indeed inherited this terrible anxiety of things not always going perfectly or people not liking what I have done for them. It's funny because I would kill to be as strong as you are.

I grew up a momma's girl because that's what you wanted me to be. You dressed me in pink and put bows all through my hair and that's why I can't stand the color pink today. You bought me dolls and Barbies and everything a little girl could wish for. I hated it and loved it at the same time. I only hated it because I had older brothers who hated it and had far cooler toys, just so you know. You gave me the best childhood possible and you still continue to support me.

Let's go back to high school, probably the worst time of my life with you. You wanted to control who I became friends with or who I dropped as a friend. You wanted to be BFFs with my boyfriends which drove me crazy. You wanted to know my every waking move. You even drove off boys without my knowledge at the time. Looking back now, I think that every girl realizes that their mom was always right. Those nightly fights about God knows what, you got it, mom knows best. I wasn't ready to go through those situations and relationships without you. Thank you for always fighting to clear my foggy head.

Even though there were a lot of times where you said no, there were a lot of times that you said yes so that I was able to make my own decisions. You let me live my life but most importantly, you let me learn. You were always just a phone call away/three missed phone calls on my phone when I forgot to check in.

I remember the first time I was grounded. Gosh were you mad at me. At the time of the incident, I didn't see any fault in my actions but looking back now I can see where I went wrong. I was disrespectful and I lied. I got my phone taken away (worst thing ever) and I was forced to go wherever you and your friends went as a punishment. That was another thing that I both loved and hated. I loved it because I was spending time with you which I value more today than I did then. I hated it because I was a kid and all I had on my mind was going to Friday night football games, basketball games and wrestling matches during the week. I never thought that I’d miss spending the little amount of time that I got with you like I do now. I was taught pretty harshly that there will always be consequences to my actions. You have taught me countless lessons that I’ll never forget.

College came so fast and I don't think I was prepared to do things on my own and make every decision by myself. I think that I really lost myself in the time that I was away. I didn't want to come home on the weekends and I didn't want to have to depend on you for anything, but I did. I depended on you for everything and I still do. What really gets to me is that you are always up to make the drive to me or to pick up some groceries from Walmart or to even grab a bite to eat with me. No matter what, I know that you will always be there and that's the best thing about a mom. You are stuck with me and I am stuck with you.

Today I look at you and all I want to do is hug you and learn from you. I never want to live a life without you and becoming half the woman that you are would be an honor. Without you I wouldn’t have the courage to do the things that I’m too shy for. Without you, I wouldn’t have attended any of my high school dances or proms because we all know that you were the ultimate chooser of my dresses and pushed me to go. Without you, I wouldn’t know what retail therapy is and how it seriously works. Without you, I wouldn’t know how much fun singing and dancing to your favorite songs in the car is. Without you, I would cease to exist, quite literally and figuratively. I don’t think that I would be a functioning person without you as my mentor. So, let me just say this, I love you with my whole heart and you are by far my best friend.