"Yeah, your life must be so hard, living at home and doing whatever all semester."
"You're literally taking a mental health semester, you have no right to complain."
"Just pray about it, you'll be fine."
Want to know what I have to say to the people who have said these things to me? To the people who straight up stopped talking to me since I came home? To the people who have minimized my depression as if it isn't an illness?
Well, I want to say two very simple words, but I don't think swearing in an article is appropriate if I am trying to remain a classy, dignified, semi-professional writer. So instead, I'll say this:
You do not know what I am going through. There is no way for you to understand it. I do not fault you for that, but your lack of understanding does not give you the right to judge what I am going through.
"You look fine. Your grades are still really good and you're still dancing. Just stay tough."
Yes. I look fine. But inside, I am not fine. I haven't found motivation to shower in four days. When's the last time you saw me smile? I mean, really smile? Yes. I still have stellar grades and a 3.7 GPA. But I can have depression and still be high-functioning. Without my grades, I feel as if I am nothing. My grades are the only thing keeping me alive. And yes; I am still dancing. But have you asked if I am enjoying it? Because maybe I just don't want to let my team down. Maybe I care too much about the people around me that I refuse to quit, even though all I want right now is to quit.
You tell me to "stay tough." I think keeping up appearances, getting good grades, and not giving up on my team while feeling like I want to die makes me pretty damn tough. And those two simple choice words are coming back to me now, but again, I will avoid them, and instead, say this:
You still do not know what I am going through. There is still no way for you to understand it. I still do not fault you for that, but guess what? Your lack of understanding still does not give you the right to judge what I am going through.
Lastly, to the "friends" I had that have completely stopped talking to me since I came home, even though you once told me how you would always be there for me -- instead of those two choice words, all I will say is this:
Do not try to come back into my life now that I have published this article. You never listened to me when I tried to tell you how I was feeling, and I will never give you that chance again. You never bothered to ask how I was doing, and I will never rely on you again. You were never my friends, and you will never be my friends.
And in case you were wondering, you never understood and you still do not understand. So even if you think you can judge me because you're my "friend," you cannot. Because your lack of understanding does not give you the right to judge what I am going through.
