As I loaded my last few bags into the trunk of my dad's Ford, I stared the past 18 years of my life square in the face. Every glimpse I caught from the edge of my driveway brought back memories — memories in which I hadn't thought much of before now.
The basketball hoop on the side yard where every annual Easter our cousin v. cousin tournament was held. The three steps leading to my front door in which all of my high school dance pictures were awkwardly taken. The rocking chairs on the porch where I would sit nervously on my dad's lap as he watched summer thunderstorms sweep by. All of these memories seemed like trivial parts of my life, but as I stood before them ready to begin a whole new chapter of my life, they suddenly meant more to me than anything.
My mom and I departed the cul-de-sac as my dad and siblings followed in the car behind. Butterflies swirled in my stomach and a sense of nostalgia enveloped my mind. My eyes were still swollen with tears, the aftermath of saying goodbye to my high school boyfriend the night before. I took a deep breath and tried to distract myself from any thought through a nice social media scroll.
Being the sappy and often semi-dramatic girl I am, I thought it would be a great idea to look through all of my old tweets, reminiscence on the "good old days".
Some of my old tweets made me laugh, others made me cringe with the "oh God, why was I so weird?" feeling. But one stood out in particular, and was weirdly ironic given the day.
Sept. 15, 2012 8:49 p.m.: "COLLEGE PLEASE COME FASTER."
My jaw dropped.
I was a junior in high school when I shared this. It was Homecoming weekend at Mizzou and I was visiting my sister.
After reading that tweet over and over, I became angry and annoyed at my high school self. What was I thinking? I had every thing I could have ever wanted when I wrote this: an irreplaceable group of friends, the gift of seeing my family every day, home cooked meals, snuggle time with my dogs. How could I have been wishing this all away?
Looking back I realize how much I took all of that for granted. After experiencing a weekend of college, I became eager and was over my "boring" high school life. But now, sometimes I wish for nothing more than that boring high school life. Sure, college is awesome and I don't ever want to have to wake up at 6:45 for class every day again, but those years were some of the best of my life, and now I sit here at my dorm desk, kicking myself for wishing those years away.
I would give anything to camp out backyard style again with my friends, or face the day in my grey skirt one more time. I wish I could tell my Sept. 15, 2012 self to slow down, enjoy the present and take in every moment in the now, because later you'll be wanting it all back.
So now instead of wishing I could have those days back just like I wished for these days to come, I've decided to keep my head in the present. Through this I learned that while I was wishing for things to come, things I loved were happening unnoticed all around me. So now on Nov. 2, 2014 I choose to be thankful for my past, still optimistic for my future, but most of all focused on the now.
