The gym is truly a magical place. As an active person, you can pretty consistently find me at the gym at least five times a week (usually, I'm the one laying on the floor face down by the end of her workout, but that's another story). I love working out but there is one thing that I will no longer tolerate. Let me tell you a little tale.

About two weeks ago, I was doing my overhead push presses, minding my own business, when all of a sudden I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see a meat-head douchewad who looked more jacked up on steroids than Alex Rodriguez. I already knew what he was about to say, but being a nice person, I wasn't going to cut him off right away. He then proceeded to ask, "can I correct your form a bit?"

I wanted to say "No, because you're not a personal trainer. No, because you don't work at this gym. No, because chances are you don't even know what the correct form is." But again, being a nice person, I didn't say any of that. I instead said, "Sure." To which he replied, "You need to lower the weight. You are using momentum to push up the weight because you don't know how to properly do this move."

I was tempted to reply, "You don't even know what you're talking about. I have been doing this move for six years and was taught how to do this move by an ACTUAL personal trainer. You know, someone with an ACTUAL license to be a personal trainer, not a dickwad who just chose to invade my personal space."

I just let him speak because I wasn't in the mood to start a fight at that moment, but honestly, I should have, because this gym mansplaining seriously NEEDS TO STOP.

The fact that you are twice my size does not give you the authority to interfere with my workout.

Now, I'm not saying this applies to all men. If you are a male and have an actual degree in personal training, then, of course, I will listen to you. I am always open to learning from a professional. And I'm not saying that this applies only to men. I once had a woman (a fairly masculine looking woman, to be fair) tell me that my squat form, and I quote, "sucks." She then proceeded to try to show me how to squat, which I found out, after consulting with an ACTUAL personal trainer, was totally incorrect.

So, please, I beg of you, do your workout and leave me alone. I do not need to hear how you think I can improve my deadlift or how I can push more weight on my hang clean until I PAY YOU for your opinion. I hate to break the news to you, my beefy but dimwitted gym buddy, but no one values your opinion over that of a PROFESSIONAL.

Have I made myself clear?