To The Man That Broke Me, Thank You

To The Man That Broke Me, Thank You

I am better now.

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Life has a way of working everything out and to be honest I couldn't have asked for a better ending. Not the ending you are thinking of though. Our ending was terrible. I was angry, hurtful and immature. I sent text after text never once stopping to just regroup and find myself, or even stopping to really think them through. To be honest the whole thing is kind of a blur. I never even wrote about you until now, three years later. I just couldn't bring myself to even think about it, to even really accept that it was over. I honestly assumed your relationship with her would just end eventually and you would try and come back to me. Crazy right? Yeah, insane.

Here we are though, three years later and you are getting married next month. I think when I saw that, when I realized I was never getting the closure I deserved, I think that's when it hit me. I needed to go through every detail of our relationship, I needed to cry and vent and cry some more. I needed to grieve. Something I did not do properly when things ended three years ago. I cried a lot and angry texted you every time you came into my head, and one day I didn't do any of that anymore, I just pushed you out of my mind, I was numb to it. You were dead to me. A little harsh? Yeah. But that was what was easy for me.

Can we just be blatantly honest for a minute? You cheated on me. You were engaged to the woman you cheated on me with, within six months after we broke up. Correction you broke up with me. Not the point. Six months wasn't even as long as our entire relationship?! Yet you were already engaged to her. So truthfully even now as a mature successful young woman, that still doesn't make any sense to me. It still hurts me beyond belief. Even more so because I summoned up the courage to replay it all over in my head and to go through all our text messages and I realized I gave you not one, not two, but AT LEAST three chances to end our relationship.

"It's okay if you have lost feelings."

"You can end things between us."

"I can tell things are different."

At seventeen, I didn't have the courage to end it myself, I wasn't strong enough and I clearly didn't know my worth. However, I still recognized things were off and I gave you the opportunity to leave. You didn't. So, to be clear, I don't think it was unjustified for me to absolutely lose my shit when I found out you cheated. When I found out you were engaged soon after. The one thing I will never understand is giving a man the option to walk away and he doesn't. He stays, says I love you and STILL proceeds to cheat on you. I don't get that. So yeah, our ending was terrible, to say the least, but there are still two more endings to our story. Your ending, where you live happily ever after with your beautiful bride next month. And my ending, which you know nothing about. As much as I would like to keep it that way because it feels so good knowing that you know no part of my life. I think it will also feel pretty good knowing you know exactly what you gave up on. Here it is.

I am now twenty years old. Working full time in a line of work that I absolutely love. I live in a simple one bedroom house with a detached two car garage, on the end of a quiet dead end road in the middle of town. I live with my one-year-old Goldendoodle that I raised all on my own. Maybe that isn't impressive or anything but working full time and raising a puppy alone is seriously something to be proud of. I am now an officer in the fire department. Important to be noted that you are the only person to ever look at me and say, "some firefighter you must be." Because I wouldn't let you turn around on the interstate to pick up a hitchhiker. As if that was any indication of what kind of firefighter I was. I drive a brand new vehicle and I am also house hunting. Yes, myself alone at twenty years old is looking for a house to buy, maybe I will even build.

Myself alone. My favorite combination of two words. Because at seventeen when we had that terrible ending I never thought it was possible to build a life by myself. I thought I needed you or someone for that matter. To move in with, to raise a puppy with, to come home to after a long day of work, to buy a new vehicle or to build a house with. My ending, I fell in love with myself, with being alone. I am living life to my expectations and nobody else's. I will never again date someone just to say I am dating someone because I don't need another being to get through life. I can do this alone. I am doing this alone. Actually, I am kind of rocking at it alone. The greatest thing to ever come of our relationship was you ending it. Because I would be her right now. Had you never given up on me I'd be the one that moved in with you, that got married to you, and without even knowing it I would be miserable.

Thank you.

I say that with absolutely no sarcastic tone. Truly from the bottom of my heart, thank you for breaking me.

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13 Movies Every Couple Needs To Watch Before They Get Married

Let's be honest, Rachel McAdams is in all the best love stories.

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These 13 movies are the foundation of any long-lasting relationship, and I'm not joking. Each movie will show you something new about your partner, and make you ask each other the hard questions. How many kids do you want and how are you going to raise them? What would happen if you got into a horrible accident? Some are less serious though, like what if you could time travel?

I promise that not every one of these movies is a Nicholas Sparks classic, and I also promise that not every movie has Rachel McAdams in it!

1. "The Time Traveler's Wife"

This movie is both heartbreaking and amazing.

2. "About Time"

Let's be honest, Rachel McAdams is in all the best love stories. It's on Netflix right now, so grab some snacks and turn it on!

3. "Like Crazy"

This infamous Tumblr gif came from "Like Crazy." It's about a couple who goes long distance and build their life together. I used to cry every time I watched it, and I'm no crier! It also has the (now famous) Felicity Jones in it.

4. "The Notebook"

Every girl wants this kind of love.

5. "The Last Song"

Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth are literally married now so if that isn't good luck, I don't know what is.

6. "Safe Haven"

You guessed it! This is another Nicholas Sparks classic. This movie has a dark twist as well, which men will love.

7. "Inside Out"

You may be thinking that this one is a bit weird. Well, this movie will help both you and your partner understand each other's emotions better.

8. "The Choice"

This movie is great because the female lead is feisty and extremely intelligent, which usually doesn't happen in love stories. How do you keep the love alive with a woman who is hard to get, and even harder to keep entertained?

9. "The Longest Ride"

Originally I could not stand the main female lead (Britt Robertson) but now she is in one of my favorite shows (For The People), so I have no choice. This movie had me on the end of my seat, and as a rom-com it is a must.

10. "The Age Of Adaline"

I began loving the name 'Adaline' thanks to this movie. This unlikely love story and self love journey really gets me.

11. "The Vow"

Imagine falling in love with someone and building a life, but an accident forces you to start all over?

12. "Titanic"

If they don't have any sort of reaction to this movie, they are probably not the one for you.

13. "Yours, Mine, & Ours"

Yours, Mine, & Ours is a true classic. Are you Helen or Frank Beardsley? You should figure that out before you tie the knot!

You're welcome!

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Being A Military Wife Is Not The Same As Serving In Active Duty

It's about balance, and it's hard to find a happy medium between serving and supporting your spouse.

yahairas
yahairas
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I enlisted into the United States Air Force as a fresh-faced 18-year-old. I had just graduated high school and never experienced life on my own, away from what I knew and my loved ones and friends. The military was my first legitimate job. Thankfully, I knew independence since I had parents that ensured I knew how to handle myself. That does not mean I joined knowing everything there was to know. Far from it, actually, but that's OK.

My first and only duty station was Malmstrom Air Force Base. Before you think that Malmstrom is some exotic and foreign land, it's definitely not. My first base was in Montana. A very cold and unpredictable climate where you could experience beautiful summer sunshine one day and the next, find yourself running back up to your room to escape from the unexpected blizzard.

I was stationed in Montana as a security forces member (military police) for six very long years. During this time, I met some wonderful people as well as some people I know I would not mind never seeing again. I did a lot of my growing up at this location.

There were hard lessons that needed to be learned and experiences that I had to have in order to know what and what not to do in the future. Security forces is not the easiest or best job in the military. There are more challenges as a security forces member than most careers in the Air Force. There is the very likely chance of deployment into hostile locations where the member will face life and death challenges and have to make quick and ugly decisions and the schedule and duties are not ideal.

However, the good often outweighs the bad. The rewards for surpassing these challenges that seemed insurmountable at the time are some of the best in the world. I can say that the life lessons during my time in the service, no matter how uncomfortable it was at the time, is an experience of a lifetime. These challenges are unknown to the military spouse.

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Not long after separating from the military, I got married. We met while I was still in the military. My husband is still active duty in the Air Force, turning me into a military wife and dependent. It was a different role to take, knowing how many people in the military viewed military spouses. I found myself in a different bracket or tier than a lot of people. I was a military wife that was prior military. I understand the challenges my husband still undergoes in his enlistment because I knew the military life at one point. I did not have to be introduced into the military and the way it works blindly.

Throughout my enlistment, there were stories and jokes regarding military spouses, with emphasis on the military wife. Even now that I am no longer in the service, I still see memes on social media where military wives serve as a running joke. The jokes involving weight, attractiveness, infidelity or wives wearing the rank of their military spouse while attempting to utilize what power that rank may hold. Due to the stories I heard while I was in, I had a pre-conceived idea of what to expect as a military spouse. Some of the stories and jokes came from a center of truth. However, the stigma for a military wife would follow any and all military wives no matter the validity or lack thereof.

Photo of Yahaira Seawright at her Airman Leadership school graduation Yahaira Seawright

When I became a military wife, I wanted to make sure I did not fall under that stereotype. Becoming the dependent gave me something else to consider. It gave me the unheard side of those military spouses. There are so many challenges that we also face while being married to the military.

For example, we pick up and go at a moment's notice and often leave our careers behind if our spouses get moved. This makes it really hard to make friends and connections with other people. Plus, there's the reality that our spouses could lose their lives serving for our country.

A lot of the time, we become a single parent when our spouses are deployed. If we do go with, finding employment is really competitive and hard to do at all. It's hard on both of us because neither party will ever truly understand why things are done a certain way. Some things just aren't fair and that's a hard reality to deal with.

So, yes, the service of the military member is the military member's service, not ours. That fact does not mean we do not have our own sacrifices we made when we decided to marry into the military family.

The experience of the military member and the military spouse are two different sides, but they're both equally important.

yahairas
yahairas

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